


This Is My Flow

by aleia



Series: Begin Again [11]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Canon-Typical Violence, Demisexuality, F/M, Fluid Sexuality, Gen, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-02-16 11:18:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18690436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleia/pseuds/aleia
Summary: Berry's point of view of A Place to Go. This was supposed to be worked into A Place to Go, but it just felt like it needed to be it's own story. While I host most stories that focus on OCs off of Ao3, there are reasons I wanted this one to be fully public that will become clearer as the story continues. If you are reading this as I post, there are some things I did not tag because I tagging them would spoil things. If you are concerned, please let me know and I'll spoil you. I will probably update the tags after the story is completed so that it's easier for people who are searching for those tags to find this.





	1. Chapter 1

Jaime Ribera gets to the hotel in Vegas for prospect camp before his roommate. At least this year he knows what to expect. Ozzy was also his roommate last year, too. He’s flying in from Sweden, so he’ll probably show up while Berry’s still sleeping. Ozzy’s chill, but he also played in the AHL the previous year, while Berry went back to junior hockey. It has more to do with contracts than anything else, but Berry still feels like it might give Ozzy an edge on making the team.

It would be normal, of course, for him to be sent back to Juniors for one more year, but he came so close last year. He actually got to play NHL hockey for a couple of games before they decided didn’t want to start his ELC yet and shipped him back to Oregon. Nothing against Oregon, but it just doesn’t compare to Vegas.

 **Parse:** Children. Kids. Pre-rookies. See you on Monday. Don’t get in trouble but text me if you do.  
**Matty:** Text Parse. Not me. I’m in Toronto.  
**Parse:** Copy Matty on all your texts bc I said so.  
**Matty:** No.  
**Parse:** 😇  
**Matty:** You’re fooling exactly no one. Can they announce my new co-A so I don’t have to put up with you alone?  
**Parse:** You and me until after training camp! 😸 😸 😸

No one answers their texts and Berry isn’t surprised at all. The main plus of Parse starting this group text is that it gives the prospects the ability to make a second group text without the Aces’ captains in it. Parse and Matty are nice, but they’re also Kent Parson and Jordan Matthews. Sure, Berry played with them a little bit last year, but not enough to get used to them. And if Berry makes it to training camp, then he’ll be playing with _Jack Zimmermann_. Berry still can’t believe Jack Zimmermann signed with the Aces.

Still, even if Berry’s not going to be the first prospect to answer that text, he’s glad that Parse sent it. After digging back in the Aces media archives, he went into the last prospect camp thinking that Parse was going to be there with Reaper every day. In the end, Parse showed up on the last day, said a few words and disappeared. The text they got to greet them came from Matty and Reaper last year. Berry thought maybe the Aces were just making up things to make Parse look more involved than he was until Stix told him otherwise. The rest of prospect camp, it seemed obvious that Mills was there to scout out who was most likely to give Parse and Tater problems.

Berry unpacks and texts Gully that he already ate, and that he’s just going to get some rest. They have a day to recover if they go out tonight but Berry’s not doing anything to hurt his chances of making the team.

When Berry wakes up the next day, Ozzy is passed out in the other bed and Berry has a text on his phone from Ozzy asking Berry to wake him up at nine, even if he has to dump ice water on his head. It’s fifteen past nine, but Berry figures that’s going to have to be close enough. He pulls Ozzy’s pillow out from under his head as he passes by on the way to figure out the coffee pot. Ozzy groans at him and doesn’t get up.

“I’m making coffee,” Berry says. “If you don’t wake up, I’ll go to the ice machine while it brews.”

“I’m awake,” Ozzy says from behind him. His English is perfect, but his accent is thick from spending the summer in Sweden.

“You’re the one who told me to do it.”

“I can’t have jet lag for testing,” Ozzy says. It makes sense. Berry aches to go down to the gym, but if he takes another full day off, he’ll feel like he has extra strength for testing in the morning.

“This is garbage coffee,” Ozzy says because he’s a coffee snob. Berry doesn’t answer him because he’s not buying Ozzy fancy coffee and Ozzy will still drink the free coffee because he’s not going to make it to a coffee shop without it.

There’s a new group text for the prospects already so Berry catches up to it as he wakes up.

 **Gully:** New prospects! Read this shit before you start texting Parse and Matty back.  
**Ozzy:** Texting Parse is only for emergencies. He will help you out but then he’ll babysit everything else you do so I guess if you want zero privacy like Mills, go for it.  
**Ozzy:** Mills texted me that he’ll be around tomorrow. He will answer stupid questions without being a dick. But he’s also a Parse spy until he trusts you.  
**Howie:** Why is Mills even going to be there?  
**Ozzy:** He has no life? He’s training to be the next Parse?  
**Berry** He likes to get to know the new guys before camp.  
**Gully:** Parse wasn’t even at prospect camp last year.  
**Ozzy:** Because of all the drama with him getting married to Tater and shit. And he’d just gotten back from his honeymoon.  
**Max:** So he’s going to be around this year? What about Zimmermann??  
**Ozzy:** I’ll ask Mills about Parse. My dad knows Bad Bob. He thinks they’re still working on moving Jack. But that’s all he knows.  
**Rusty:** No one has even seen Zimmermann since he signed. The Aces made one post and then nothing. How do you not have media when you steal Jack Zimmermann??  
**Howie:** I heard they didn’t really steal him. The Falcs didn’t want him.  
**Ozzy:** Mills says Parse will be around a lot of camp when he doesn’t have other stuff going on. He says he hasn’t seen Zimmermann since Worlds. And that’s all he’d say.  
**Rusty:** So we’re not going to know any more about Zimmermann than the public until training camp.  
**Howie:** Maybe the Aces sent him back to rehab.  
**Berry:** Definitely don’t say that kind of stuff around Parse. Also, he literally just played at Worlds and won. I think he’s probably fine.  
**Howie:** Ok. Should anyone answer Parse and Matty or are we just ignoring them completely?  
**Berry:** I’ll do it.

Berry texts back that they’re all in the hotel and will see Parse on Monday and leaves it at that. He still can’t figure out if Parse likes him or not. For a while he was sure Parse hated him. Then when he came back at the end of the season as an extra guy for the playoffs, Parse seemed fine. Maybe it’s unfair to judge anything about Parse from the beginning of last season.

***

As promised, Mills and Parse are there at their very first meeting in the hotel lobby before they go to the practice facility. Then they hang around while everyone goes through strength and endurance testing. Berry’s glad that he knows Parse and Mills well enough to know that Parse isn’t there to make the guys nervous. His presence just makes Berry push harder. That’s better than Howie who looks like he’s going to throw up from anxiety before they even start.

Still, Berry can barely stand when he gets off the bike test. He hates the bike test. Whoever thought up the bike test is literally the most hated person in the NHL. He stumbles, but someone catches him before he can just sit on the floor.

“Walk it off. You’ll get cramps if you don’t cool down right,” Parse says. Of course, Parse would be the one to catch him when he fell down. That’s the way to impress your captain. Collapse after your fitness test. Berry nods and lets Parse walk with him until one of the trainers calls to check on him. He’s fine. He just gave everything he had to that stupid test. The trainer seems impressed with the results though, so it’s worth it.

After they shower, the rest of the day is stupid media stuff. Berry isn’t sure how many people even care about the prospect media, but his body wants a break, so he’s happy to play the weird games that the media team sets up. By the end of the day, no one even talks about trying to go out. Maybe that’s the secret to the Aces not going out of control in Vegas. They’re so tired, they just want to fall into bed and die.

Berry likes the guys. They like him. Ozzy is easy to room with. Maybe knowing that there’s not a lot of space on the team is having the opposite effect of what Berry expected. Everyone already feels like they’re competing for a call up if they’re needed and most of the younger guys are just hoping to make a good impression for next year.

Parse and Mills are in the gym or at the rink with them every day. Mills is cool and he’s less intimidating than Parse, but it’s obvious he’s trying to feel the guys out. One of the guys uses the word gay the wrong way and Mills’ glare makes the whole room fall silent. Berry’s relieved that it’s a day when Parse disappeared early.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,” Max says. “It won’t happen again.”

Mills nods and lets it go.

“I’m not homophobic,” Max tells Berry and Ozzy later on the bus. “I’m really not. The guys at home just say that shit and I’m trying to drop it, but it slipped out.”

“You could probably tell Mills that,” Ozzy says. “He was mad, but he’s not an asshole. If you mean it, you’re probably not the first guy that grew up with that stuff. Talk to him tomorrow.”

Max nods but it puts a damper on the mood for the rest of the day that they all try to hide because they’re being filmed for their cooking class.

At the end of the week, Parse pulls Berry aside after they’ve been released to go back to the hotel to pack up.

“You had a really good camp,” Parse says. “You worked harder than anyone. Keep it up for training camp and you might be with us this year.”

“There’s going to be like one rookie spot,” Berry points out. Cupid and Mills just signed new contracts in the offseason and then Aces added Jack Zimmermann.

“Yeah, but you’re cheap and better than some guys who cost more. We’re kind of tight on cap space. Are you really avoiding the media that well?”

Berry laughs.

“I’m trying.”

“Keep working. Come back and start training with the Aces staff a few days early if you can. See who almost falls over at our fitness test when we do it. Someone will and I know exactly who.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guesses on who Parse thinks will not be able to stand after the bike test?


	2. Chapter 2

Technically, Berry knows he can start training with the Aces’ trainers early. It’s an option as long as he can be in Vegas. So he goes home and figures out how many days he can afford and then he calls and lets them know he’ll be there a week early. He doesn’t tell any of the other prospects. There’s something about the idea of putting in extra effort and then failing anyway that makes him not want to advertise it.

The same day Berry lands in Vegas, Parse and Mills go to Chicago for the NHL Media Tour—which means the Aces got to send two guys and they didn’t send Zimmermann. Berry sees Cupid the first couple days and then he disappears to get a break before camp. Berry agrees to take a break two days before training camp because the trainers tell him to. Besides, Ozzy’s flying back into Vegas for training camp and Berry has to switch hotels and move in with all the other prospects.

The Aces have their own media day before training camp officially starts, but Berry doesn’t have to do anything besides the basics of taking pictures and a couple of short videos. They film him doing a couple of the challenges with Max, but they did that last year and after he didn’t make the team, the videos just never came out.

Berry barely sees Jack Zimmermann—Zimms—at all. Parse introduces them, but Zimms’ schedule is clearly booked. The Aces let him wait until camp to do media, but they’re clearly making up for it now. Berry and the other new guys get to leave early.

***

The first day of training camp is the one day that’s easier for the prospects. They have to do some additional testing, but the prospects get to skip some of the tests because they just did them at prospect camp. Normally, Berry would want a chance at improving his results, but literally nothing will make him want to do the bike test again. Parse winks at him as he takes the bike next to Zimms.

Watching the top guys do the tests is something he thought would be fun his first year before he learned how intimidating it is to see how good they are. Several of the guys have trainers near their bikes yelling encouragements at them the same way they did for the prospects. Zimms and Parse get left alone almost immediately. They’re so obviously giving it everything they’ve got.

Parse told Berry someone would have just as much trouble standing afterwards as Berry did. Parse didn’t say it would be Zimms. One of the trainers grabs him and makes him walk.

“I definitely beat you,” Zimms says as soon as he can talk.

“You have like five extra inches of leg,” Parse says.

“Who let them next to each other?” Tater asks. “Both almost die trying to win.”

“This is the best Parse has ever done,” one of the trainers says. He turns the clipboard he’s making notes on to another one of the trainers who whistles at the number.

“And?” Parse says like he doesn’t even care that he beat his personal record.

“Zimms still passed you.”

“What the fuck? Where can we get your rookie scores?” Parse says.

“Does it really matter if you beat me then when you didn’t beat me now?” Zimms says laughing while he’s still trying to breathe.

“Shut up. Can we put on skates now? I’m still faster than you,” Parse says. “Even after that stupid test.”

“No,” the trainer interrupts. “Hit the showers and then PR wants you.”

Parse elbows Berry as he walks by. No wonder Parse didn’t judge him for not being able to stand.

***

Hockey players gossip more than anyone else Berry knows. Though he does have to admit that he’s never bothered to know too many people who aren’t hockey players. To be fair, when he talks to his friends on other teams, Berry has to consider that maybe the Aces have more reasons to gossip. It’s obvious from the first day that Parse wants everyone to feel welcome. He never hesitates when he invites the prospects along for anything the team is doing.

But it’s just as obvious that there are things being kept from the guys who aren’t a core part of the team. Though when Ozzy mentions it, Howie thinks he’s crazy, so maybe Berry is just paying more attention than he should be. Ozzy teases him about having a crush on Zimms once and Mills overhears him. Ozzy sputters and the whole thing ends up being awkward as fuck. Any other team would’ve laughed it off, but on the Aces where they have actual gay players, it becomes a _thing_.

Berry doesn’t want it to be a thing and he doesn’t want any of the guys to have an issue with him, so he finds Mills later.

“I feel like anything I say about Ozzy’s joke is going to make it worse,” Berry admits. “If I say it’s just a joke, then it might sound like I think none of that stuff matters. If I say I wasn’t offended by the implication, it seems like there’s a reason to be offended.”

Mills laughs.

“Yeah. I know,” Mills says. “Some of the guys used to joke about me having a crush on Parse. Matty never even bothered doing anything about it because he said I never seemed offended and calling attention to it might make it worse. Obviously, Parse wasn’t out at all then though. Now that he’s out, I can explain that it’s gross because it’s him and he’s old.”

“He’s not that old,” Berry says.

“They’re seven years older than you,” Mills says with a raised eyebrow. “And Zimms isn’t single.”

Berry didn’t actually know that, but that’s really not the point.

“That’s not what I meant,” Berry says. “I don’t have a crush on Zimms. I just, you know.”

“I don’t know, really,” Mills says and then quickly adds. “Of course, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I know you’re not homophobic. You’ve never had an issue with Parse and Tater.”

Obviously, Mills now thinks he really does have a crush on Zimms.

“I don’t have a crush on Zimms. He was just my favorite player before. And I guess he still is. Which is actually more embarrassing than having a crush on him. So if you could just not tell anyone that it would be great.”

Mills laughs and nods.

“I won’t, but it’s kind of obvious,” Mills says. “Maybe not to him though. I’m not sure he notices stuff like that.”

Berry just nods and says he needs to catch the bus back to the hotel. Berry’s still not sure why, but it’s kind of obvious that Mills hasn’t decided if he likes Zimms or not.

***

The third day of training camp is kind of a disaster as far as Berry is concerned. Nothing he does is good enough. The Aces coaching style isn’t purposefully harsh, but Berry knows if this was the last day of camp, he’d be going straight back to Oregon. As it is, he might be going back to Oregon as soon as they can send him. Parse stops him on the way to the locker room.

“Everyone has off days,” he says.

“I can’t afford to have off days right now.”

“You’re doing well. Don’t let one bad practice get in your head. Talk to me if you need help.”

Berry nods just so Parse will let him go. They have lunch and then they have more meetings. He must really look pathetic because Mills latches onto him at lunch and continues to hang around the rest of the day.

“If you want to work out without the rest of the guys around, they’ll probably let you stay late,” Mills tells him. “They don’t clean the ice right away, so as long as Parse or one of the coaches okays it, you can stay.”

Berry finds Parse and asks.

“Sure, I’ll let someone know. It’s not an issue and they’ll like how hard you’re trying.”

Berry takes a bucket of pucks out to the ice and decides to start by just working out his frustration that nothing he did put a puck in the net today. He misses a puck entirely when he sees movement in his peripheral vision. He turns to see Jack Zimmermann skating onto the ice. Of course, he completely fucked up a shot in front of Zimms.

“Hey,” Berry says as Zimms skates to him. “Sorry. Parse said I could stay if I wanted. I didn’t know you were coming back.”

“I didn’t tell him. I just asked the Coach if I could get some extra work in.”

“I guess that’s why you’re so good. But you know Parse told everyone five times not to let you over-train,” Berry says, even there’s no way he’s going to try to kick Jack Zimmermann off the ice. This way if Parse or Tater asks, he can say he tried.

“First, he’s a hypocrite,” Zimms says. “He has extra skates that he bought just because they hide his skates sometimes to make him rest.”

Berry laughs.

“Second, I asked Coach at lunch, and he said it was fine,” Jack says.

“But you didn’t tell Parse, so he figured it was free for me,” Berry says.

“I don’t need the whole rink,” Zimms says. “Besides, I know Kenny. He probably found out and decided if he encouraged you, then he could pretend he wasn’t sending anyone to babysit me. We can run some drills, or I can leave if you want. I didn’t really have anything specific to do.”

“You came to get extra practice, but you don’t really care what you do?” Berry asks.

Zimms shrugs.

“You’re avoiding dinner with the team,” Berry says without thinking because it’s hard to think about what he’s saying or doing when he’s talking to Zimms. It’s embarrassing. _Berry_ should be embarrassed. Instead, Zimms blushes and shrugs again.

“I figured they could use a break from me.”

“I mean, I’m not going to turn down the chance to run drills with you,” Berry says because he’s not a total idiot. “I can use all the help I can get.”

They work on everything they can work on without a full team. It’s probably weird and annoying that Berry repeats almost every tip Zimms gives him so that he can make sure he understands and remembers everything. But he’s getting extra coaching from Jack Zimmermann. _The_ Jack Zimmermann. He’d have to be completely stupid to take it for granted.

They skate to the side for a water break and Berry is surprised that an hour has passed. He didn’t mean to make Zimms coach him for an hour. He also has a text from Parse.

 **Parse:** Tater says Zimms is still at the rink. He’s probably not going to check his phone on purpose. Tell him I know Coach said he could only stay an hour and a half.

“Parse says to remind you that Coach told you no more than an hour and a half of extra work,” Berry tells him. He’s not going actually try to make Zimms leave, but he wants to be able to say he did what Parse asked.

Zimms shrugs and keeps his eyes focused on his water bottle. He just spent an hour helping Berry for no reason. Whatever reason the guys have to not like him, Berry doubts he’ll agree with it. Zimms has never been anything but a good teammate as far as he can tell.

“Can I ask what’s up with you and the team?” Berry asks because he doesn’t know how else to bring it up and suddenly, he needs Zimms to know that not everyone on the team has a problem with him. “You don’t have to answer. But you should probably know that at least a few of us don’t get it. They didn’t send us a memo on whatever is going on and none of the rookies want to ask. We thought you and Parse and Tater were friends. And you were a free agent when you signed. And now it’s like you’re not sure you want to be here, and a lot of the vets aren’t sure about you. But Parse is obviously your friend. It’s weird.”

Of course, rambling like a weirdo isn’t the way to make Zimms feel better either.

“Sorry. It’s none of my business. And I’m thankful for all the help, I swear.”

“You’re not going to tell the press, right?” Zimms asks.

“Of course not. I’m not stupid. If even Matty told the press that he thought you were a great addition to the team then none of the rookies are dumb enough to talk about it,” Berry says. The last thing he wants is to be the guy on any team who fucks over his teammates like that.

“Kenny and I used to date. When we were in high school,” Zimms says. “We’re friends now, but some of the guys still don’t like me.”

Berry can’t say he’s completely surprised. Zimms hasn’t come out, but the thing about no one saying anything to the prospects is that they do nothing but gossip with each other. Zimms has brought in a few pies from home and several of the guys have implied they’re from his partner. Mills said he wasn’t single. But it’s obvious there are details that people are being a bit quiet about.

“They’re mad because you broke up with him? In high school?” Berry had a girlfriend in high school because he felt like he was supposed to, but it never seemed that serious when they broke up. Then again, he’s not sure he was ever as serious about her as he was expected to be.

“It was complicated,” Zimms says.

Right. Zimms overdosed and disappeared for a year while Parse went to the Aces. No matter what the details are, that had to be awful.

“Anyway, some of them knew him right after, and it was hard on him.”

Berry nods even though Zimms isn’t really looking at him. It’s not his business and Parse obviously wants Zimms on the team. And Tater does too, so there’s obviously nothing shady about it now.

“Well, for the record, if he’s fine and obviously you introduced him to Tater, then it doesn’t matter to me, okay, Zimms?” Berry says. “And seriously. Thanks for all your help.”

“We can do it again another day. If you want,” Zimms says. He looks unsure about it. Like Berry is actually stupid enough to turn down hockey coaching from Jack Zimmermann.

“Will Parse kill me for making you work extra?” Berry asks. He’s not sure he cares, to be honest, but he should be prepared.

“If the coaches say it’s fine, he has to get over it,” Zimms says. “But if you’re worried, I really don’t think Parse will get mad at you over it.”

“Then I’m not stupid. If you want to help, I’ll take all the help I can get.”

Zimms smiles and it hits Berry that he hasn’t really seen Zimms smile much the entire camp. Sometimes Tater or Parse will chirp one out of him or he’ll have a small smile when he’s on his phone, but even that’s rare.

Berry feels his face heat up when he realizes it’s probably not normal to notice how much one of his teammates smiles. Shit. _Does_ he have a crush on Zimms?

***

Mills hangs around so much the next day, Berry is tempted to call him out and just ask what he wants. But Berry completely dominates at practice, so he decides to ignore it. Zimms even claps a heavy hand on his shoulder and tells him that he did well.

Berry stays late to practice again and Zimms shows up right after him.

“Don’t worry about Kenny. He’ll leave you alone,” Zimms says, so Berry decides to just believe him even though he spots Mills loitering like a creeper in the stands. None of the older guys seem to think Mills is creepy. Maybe Zimms will believe him.

An hour later, Berry can at least say that he feels ready to play their first pre-season game. Zimms will be with him. He’s centering a line with Parse and Matty for the first time. Maybe that’s why Mills has time to be a creepy spy. His line is sitting in the press box so they can give the rookies a chance to prove who deserves to be there. Most of the guys who have their spots locked in don’t seem like they even want to play. Parse only wants to prove he should be playing with Zimms. Zimms is different. He wants to play. Berry suspects Zimms is the guy who still wants to be on the ice even after his team is knocked out of the playoffs.

Berry plays three of their six pre-season games. Zimms goes over each game with him. It helps to know what he can do better each time. Ozzy says that process would psych him out, but it’s not like Zimms sits there and berates him. He doesn’t even bother pointing out the obvious mistakes that everyone knows about. He says that’s a waste of time if Berry already knows about them and focuses on things that Berry might not hear three times from other people.

Zimms tells him not to worry about it when they take him out for the last three games. They’ve seen him and they have a lot of other guys to look at. When Berry gets pulled into a meeting and they tell him they’re keeping him, he has to fight to not go overboard with excitement. But after, he has to go looking for Zimms.

Zimms is with Parse, Tater, and Mills when he finds him, but Berry decides he doesn’t care and there’s no way he’s not going to tell Zimms.

“I get to stay!” he says to basically all of them.

“Oh. Well, yeah, I assumed,” Zimms says. With anyone else, Berry might be annoyed by the lackluster response, but at this point, he gets what a compliment it is. Jack Zimmermann _assumed_ he’d make the roster.

And when Berry hugs him, Zimms hugs him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try not to do too many duplicate scenes when I do a different point of view because it can get to be too much. I think this actually might be one of the only one that overlaps this much. I thought this scene was a very important scene for Berry though. I keep telling him that Jack is just a big dork, but he won't see it.


	3. Chapter 3

Berry moves into Rusher’s house because Rusher has a suite in the basement that’s so big, it’s basically an apartment without a kitchen. There’s an entire floor between the basement and the bedroom Rusher that shares with his girlfriend, so Berry figures it’s a good plan. Even the prospects have heard Mills complain about Reaper’s sex life.

Mills texts and invites himself over while Berry is still unpacking.

“Look, I know you think I’m weird,” Mills says. “But shit is complicated.”

“I’m not sure what you want me to say to that,” Berry says. He keeps unpacking while Mills watches him.

“Camp is weird, okay?” Mills says. “We really do want everyone to feel like they’re part of the team and they’re welcome, but it’s just too many people and we don’t know who to trust.”

Berry nods, even though he’s not exactly sure what Mills is talking about.

“Zimms told Parse that he already kind of came out to you. And he said you were cool. Apparently, he forgot to tell you about his fiancé though. He actually just said it didn’t come up. I’d threaten to tell Bitty that he just didn’t come up, but honestly, that man is terrifying if he doesn’t like you. I don’t want to deliver _that_ message.”

“Does he know you’re telling me?” Berry asks.

“Of course, I wouldn’t do that without telling him. He doesn’t want to hide it from the team. He just doesn’t want to be totally public about it. He said that I could tell you if I wanted. Well, he told Parse that when Parse asked and told him why I was coming over here.”

“So that’s not why you’re here.” Berry stops unpacking and clears off his chair so he can actually give Mills his attention.

“It’s not just Parse, Zimms, and Tater who are queer,” Mills says. “Zimms said you were cool with him, and he told you he was bi a while ago, I guess, so if you were going to do something awful, you would have by now.”

Berry doesn’t explain that Zimms didn’t say that he was bi specifically because it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t care if Zimms is bi or gay or whatever. Berry’s still trying to get over thinking of him as _Jack Zimmermann_. He’s still trying to get over the fact that he made the roster because Jack Zimmermann decided he was worth coaching.

“I don’t want to interpret what you’re saying wrong,” Berry says because it seems obvious, but Mills hasn’t actually said it.

“Cupid and I aren’t just friends,” Mills says. “We’re together. He’s gay and I’m…whatever, I don’t know. I’m queer.”

“Oh,” Berry says because, somehow, he hadn’t gotten to connecting Mills to Cupid. “I mean, that’s cool with me. Obviously.”

“Obviously, we’re not out publicly, but Cupid’s family still doesn’t know, so we’re more careful than Zimms. But we figured that if you’re going to be hanging out with Zimms and you were cool with him, then we could tell you. There’s a group of guys who know and there’s a group chat.”

If someone had told Berry a month ago that his ticket to gaining Mills’ trust was that he’d somehow befriend Jack Zimmermann, he would’ve died.

“I won’t say anything,” Berry tells him.

“Also, I won’t tell Zimms if you actually have a crush on him.”

“I don’t have a crush on him,” Berry says.

Mills looks skeptical, but then he shrugs and offers to add Berry to the other group chats before he leaves.

The thing is that Berry really doesn’t have a crush on Zimms. He’s thought about it. He really has. Sure, he thinks it’s really cool that his favorite hockey player is actually spending time with him and helping him get better, but a crush would that mean he wanted to date Zimms. And dating means sex and he doesn’t want to have sex with Zimms. So it’s no different than how Mills basically worships Kent. Well, it’s a bit different. Because Zimms is different than Parse. But it’s fine. It’s nothing. If he had a crush, he’d be upset about Zimms being engaged and he’s not.

He’s made the show. He gets to play on the same team as his favorite player. _Jack Zimmermann_ helped him get there. Everything is awesome.

***

So of course, the next morning, he starts a fire in the microwave and wakes up Rusher and Petra because he can’t shut off the fire alarm. Rusher says it’s fine. Berry hides in his room and eats Cliff bars for breakfast. He’s considering whether he wants to go out for lunch or finish off the box of Cliff bars when Mills texts him.

**Mills:** Parse and I are coming to pick you up at 7:30. Be ready.  
 **Berry:** Why?  
 **Mills:** Rusher told Parse you tried to burn down his house. He says if Bitty is teaching me how to cook, you have to come too.

It was probably stupid to think Rusher wouldn’t tell anyone about it. Berry decides to finish the box of Cliff bars.

Parse must realize how embarrassed he is, because the first thing he says when Berry gets in his ridiculous sports car is, “Hey, Rusher’s a hypocrite. He’s lucky that he hasn’t burned down his own house.”

“Seriously,” Mills says. “He’s actually worse than me.”

“He tried to bring his mom to the States just to cook for him, but Swoops shamed him out of it,” Parse says, and Berry has to laugh at that.

What neither of them warns Berry about is that no one bothered to tell Zimms or Bitty about him coming over.

“Rusher made me come when he found out Bitty was teaching Mills to cook,” Berry explains to Zimms.

“He burned the inside of Rusher’s microwave last night,” Parse says because apparently now he doesn’t care about embarrassing Berry. Berry doesn’t bother to explain that it was actually this morning.

“Bits won’t mind,” Zimms says and shrugs.

They spend twenty minutes playing chel while Bitty is finishing up something with his vlog. Berry doesn’t mention that he’s watched every single one of Bitty’s vlogs. Bitty talks about playing with Zimms in his vlogs. It seemed like good research.

Parse comes back with Bitty just as Mills wins the game they’re playing, so Berry doesn’t feel at all bad for Mills when Parse takes away his controller and gives it to Jeff.

Cooking with Bitty isn’t nearly as bad as Mills seems to think it is. Bitty explains everything and shows them how to do it before he makes them do it for themselves. He doesn’t make them feel stupid and he doesn’t get mad about having to tell Mills everything more than once.

Berry writes everything down in his phone so he can recreate it later. Also, he decides that if he had a crush on Zimms, he probably wouldn’t like Bitty, and he likes Bitty just fine. He needs to not let Mills put ideas in his head.

Cupid comes over and Berry has to wonder how he missed the way Cupid looks at Mills until now. He looks proud that Mills made a salad. It’s a salad. Berry isn’t sure how you can mess up making a basic salad. Berry’s never been in love, but if being in love means you’re amazed that your partner can make a salad, maybe he’s not missing out on much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I have never put foil in the microwave or messed up just making a salad, Mills would like you all to know that two days ago, my timer went off for the food I was making and I shut it off and forgot to actually get up and take the food out of the oven. So I feel Mills' pain. ADHD and cooking are not a great combo most of the time I think.


	4. Chapter 4

There’s still a part of Berry that knows he might get sent back to Oregon. He can play ten games before it counts as starting his ELC. Which is why he played exactly nine games in the previous season. And if they want to save some of those games for the playoffs, they’ll keep him for even fewer now.

He’s not the only guy that stays late to practice with Zimms. The other guys aren’t stupid. They might not be sure about Zimms, but no one questions how good he is. But Berry’s the only guy who stays every single time. It’s not like he has anything else he needs to be doing, and sometimes Zimms invites him over for dinner. The guys chirp him about being Zimms’ son, of course, but Berry can’t pretend he minds.

He plays in the first five games of the season and gets scratched for the sixth. It already sucks, but what sucks more is that it’s against the Sharks. His whole family already got tickets and he’s not playing. At least he finds out day before, so he’ll be able warn them in advance. One of Zimms’ friends from college is coming to the game, so Berry’s surprised when Zimms comes back to the ice after he gets released from his interview. Zimms doesn’t say anything right away, which Berry appreciates. Zimms has probably never been a healthy scratch in his life. He runs Berry through some drills and gives him tips the same way that he always does.

“I talked to Coach Day,” Zimms says after he says they should get off the ice. Berry kind of wants to stay, but unlike him, Zimms can’t afford to over-work himself the day before a game. Plus, he probably wants to see his friend.

“Scratching you just gives them more time. He just wants you to have more time with the team before they have to make a decision. It’ll give you more time to gain confidence and to practice. You’re going to get more games. It sucks that they want to do this with five games left and your sixth game happens to be here. It really does. But he wouldn’t be so set on sticking with the plan if he didn’t think it would work for you.”

Berry nods. He’s only had one point in five games. He gets it. But it still sucks.

“You should spend time with your family. I’m sure they still want to see you,” Zimms says.

“Yeah. I will,” Berry says. He doesn’t want to face them, but also, he doesn’t want Zimms to miss time with his friend because he thinks Berry needs him.

So he has to sit through dinner with his parents and his sister while they all pretend that everyone isn’t disappointed. At least his brother is away at college. Maybe by the time they play the Capitals, Berry will still be on the team and Angel can see him play.

When Berry gets back to the hotel, Judy is already back from dinner. Berry feels like a dick for pouting about not playing. Judy hasn’t played a game yet. He probably won’t play more than thirty games all year. Judy’s family comes to games where they know well in advance that he’s not playing. Berry doesn’t understand how he sits on the bench in all his gear game after game and doesn’t play. Maybe it helps to know that there’s no question about his spot on the team. He doesn’t get to play much, but the Aces aren’t going to send their backup goalie away when he’s good enough that that they can give Cenzar a few extra rest days.

Berry still goes to practice the next day like he always does. He’s skating on the other side of the rink when Hammer loses control and crashes into Cenzar. He doesn’t even notice until Judy leaves his own net to skate across the ice at a speed that would have Berry on his ass if he was wearing goalie skates.

It’s obvious that Judy wants to follow when their trainers help Cenzar off the ice, but he can’t. He has to worry about maybe playing in the game now. Berry glances up to where Alex is watching practice. He’s already on the phone.

After practice, Berry sees Coach Reed, their goalie coach, pull Zimms aside. It doesn’t make sense. Berry knows everything about Zimms’ career. There is no way that Zimms knows anything about being a goalie. Berry stays late to shoot a few extra pucks because Judy wants the extra practice, so he doesn’t find out about Cenzar until they’re back in the locker room.

Cenzar is already showered and changed, but he has ice strapped to his shoulder. Zimms is suspiciously absent.

“It’s not serious,” Cenzar tells Judy. “It’s just a couple weeks to be careful.”

“Good,” Judy says, because he couldn’t be a back-up goalie if he was a selfish teammate.

Berry rushes through his shower because the rest of the team is already changed. He’s still getting dressed when Alex comes back in with Coach Reed and they go to talk to Judy. He sees Judy nod. He doesn’t look happy, and Berry knows him well enough to know that it’s taking some effort to look confident when Coach Reed turns to address the team.

“Unfortunately, when Alex called Chicago, they’d just left on a flight to play in Texas. By the time they land and get Mick on a new plane, there’s no way he’ll get here in time. We’re going to use one of the Sharks’ emergency back-up goalies. The good news is that Zimms played with him in college and he was playing NCAA just a few months ago. Obviously, we don’t want to use him, but as emergency goalies go, we’re pretty good.”

Everyone breaks up then, and Berry doesn’t notice the coaches coming over to him until they’re right in front of him.

“I know you just changed, but Chow hasn’t been in goal against a real team in a couple months. He’s on his way and we want to give him some practice just in case.”

“Yeah, of course,” Berry says. He’s never been accused of not being a team player and he’s the guy who doesn’t need to save energy for the game.

Berry knows who Chris Chow is. He followed Zimms’ college career. Also, Chow showed up in several of Bitty’s vlogs. Berry is an actual NHL player, so he shouldn’t be nervous, but he can’t help wanting all of Zimms’ friends to like him. The player that Zimms’ fiancé adopted in college seems like kind of a big deal.

He hears Chris Chow before he sees them.

“This is so cool! Bitty says he got a flight. I mean, I know I’m not playing, but I get to sit on the bench. I get a jersey. My parents are coming. Thank you so much for that, again.”

Zimms doesn’t even respond because Chow is still talking when he comes in the room.

“Berry? Right?” Chow says as soon as he sees Berry. “Thanks so much for staying for me. Jack said you’re really great, and Jack would know. I’m supposed to join a league with some local guys, but we haven’t had a chance to get together yet, so I haven’t played since Samwell. I know I’m probably not going to play, but I wanted to get my feet back just in case. Oh! Sorry. I’m Chowder!”

Zimms just shrugs and grins. No wonder Zimms isn’t fazed by Mills.

“It’s no big deal,” Berry says. “I’m not playing tonight anyway.”

“Yeah, but you’ll play again. Jack says you’re good and he doesn’t say that unless he means it,” Chowder says and walks past him with his bag to start getting changed.

“I need to get back to the hotel to rest,” Zimms says. “Alex and Coach Reed are still here. Alex wanted to watch, and they’ll get you back to the hotel.”

Berry nods. Alex comes in so Chowder can sign a one-day try-out contract and then they go to the ice together while Alex turns the other way to go to the stands.

“I know it’s stupid to be nervous because I’m not really playing and scouts came to watch all the time when Jack signed, but we didn’t even get to the playoffs my last year. They were never out to watch me and now there’s an NHL coach and GM here just for me.”

Berry feels a little like an asshole now for pouting over being scratched for one game when Chowder is excited to just sit on the bench.

Coach Reed gives them some time to warm up and then sends Chowder to the net. Berry’s first couple of shots go in easily. He doesn’t know how to feel about that. He doesn’t want to struggle against someone who isn’t even in the NHL, but he doesn’t want Chowder to be awful either. Zimms said that he was good. After Berry’s third shot goes in, there’s a moment where Chowder seems to settle himself. After that, suddenly nothing Berry tries works. When he finally gets a puck in the net again, he has to wonder if Chowder started to feel sorry for him.

Coach Reed calls an end to their practice. He doesn’t want to wear Chowder out.

“How did you not get drafted?” Berry asks as they walk back to the locker room.

Chowder shrugs.

“My last season wasn’t that great. And everyone thinks that I’m too short. I didn’t expect to be drafted,” Chowder says. Berry feels a bit guilty, but soon, Chowder is smiling all over again because there’s a jersey made up with his name already hanging in one of the stalls. Berry takes pictures of him with it before they hit the showers.

***

Berry doesn’t have time for a nap, and he doesn’t want to disturb Judy, so he grabs food from the restaurant in the hotel lobby before going back to their room. Judy’s already up when he gets back.

“How’s Chowder?” Judy asks.

“He’s good. Really good.”

Judy nods, going back to his routine while Berry changes into his suit.

Berry sits in the box and tries to focus on the game the way that Zimms does when he goes over tapes. The Aces are winning without him, but only by one goal, when Judy gets hit hard in the third period. It’s only ten minutes in, and he doesn’t get back up. Mills is next to him and then Parse as the trainers run out. Berry looks at the clock. 9:48 left in the period. A full minute left with the Aces on the penalty kill. Judy takes his time getting up. Berry has never seen him skate so slowly to the bench where Chowder has his red and white Samwell mask on. Maybe it’s not too bad. Parse, Mills, Zimms, and Tater were all on the ice when Judy was hit. With Chowder going to the goal, the Aces want to give them as much time as possible to rest so that they can give their best guys more ice time.

The jumbotron shows Chowder’s family sitting with Bitty in the stands. The announcer says something about how Chowder played with Zimms at Samwell.

Chowder stops the two shots that get to him before the end of the penalty, but as soon as Cupid gets back on the ice, the Sharks get one past him and tie the game. Two minutes later, Coach Day sends Mills out to play on the left with Zimms and Parse. Zimms finds the back of the net. There’s still no sign that Judy’s coming back, but Chowder stops shot after shot after shot. During the next break, they put a picture of Chowder in a Sharks jersey on the jumbotron. The Instagram caption says congrats to Jack for signing with the Aces, and he’ll cheer for them when they aren’t playing the Sharks. Sharks fans cheer, but Berry figures that it just means that Chowder’s studied how every player on the Sharks shoots. It’s probably why he blocks every shot, even after the Sharks pull their goalie. Matty gets an empty net goal to finish it off. Even the Sharks fans cheer Chowder off the ice after the win. Berry hasn’t been so excited about a game he didn’t play in since the Falconers won the Stanley Cup.

Chowder obviously gets first star. Then Zimms and then Parse. Berry gets to the dressing room just as the rest of the team is getting back. Judy is at his stall.

“They insisted that I had to be back here the rest of the game,” Judy says. “I don’t even have a concussion.”

“Thank God,” Berry says.

“Heard no one needed me anyway,” Judy says with a grin.

“We still need you back,” Berry says. “I’m not sure we’re even allowed to sign Chow.”

“Someone should!” Parse says as he comes in the room with Zimms and Chowder. Chowder runs over to Berry and hugs him in all his sweaty gear.

“Thanks for practicing with me so I didn’t go out rusty,” Chowder says.

“I didn’t do anything,” Berry says.

“You got three shots past me before I remembered how to do everything,” Chowder says. “That could’ve happened when it mattered.”

The press comes in the locker room next and they want Chowder and Zimms. Berry doesn’t see Zimms until they’re on the bus back to the hotel. Berry usually sits with Judy, but Judy’s sitting with Cenzar because they’re sending Cenzar back to Vegas for the rest of the trip. He’s not too surprised when Zimms sits down next to him.

“Chowder wanted me to thank you again for practicing with him,” Zimms says. He pauses and smiles as he replies to a block of text on his phone. “I might have to help him get an agent now.”

“He’s really good,” Berry says. “Maybe the Sharks should sign him so he doesn’t block all their shots.”

“Maybe,” Zimms says. “Any word on Minnesota?”

“Still a scratch,” Berry tells him.

Zimms nods.

“Don’t let it get in your head. Use the time to get more confident. Not less,” Zimms says.

“I know,” Berry says. He gets the idea in theory, but not getting to play doesn’t exactly make him feel like he belongs on the ice.

“My dad wants to meet you when we’re in Pittsburgh,” Zimms says. “And Uncle Mario.”

“Seriously?”

“I need to prove someone likes me besides Kenny and Tater so that he’ll back off.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course I can do that,” Berry says and tries not to look too excited.

***

Berry doesn’t play in Minnesota or in Buffalo, but the Aces lose in Buffalo. That sucks because Berry never wants his team to lose, but it does mean that the coaches want to switch things up. It means that Berry’s going to get to play in front of his brother against the Capitals. Of course, it’s also the Capitals. They just won a Stanley Cup and now Berry has to prove himself against them. No big deal.

Zimms switches seats with Judy on the plane to DC so they can go over tape of the Capitals together for the first half hour even though Zimms should be sleeping. But it calms Berry down enough that he can actually fall asleep.

Practice in Washington is optional because some of the guys need rest, but it’s not really optional for Berry’s line. He needs to practice with them. Zimms comes to the rink, but he takes it easy because the trainers have ordered Parse to take a maintenance day for his knee. Berry wants to stay late, but the coaches tell him no. They play Pittsburgh second on the back-to-back and they might have to play Judy both games. It’s not a good time for them to be short a goalie, so the rest of the team needs to have his back.

The game against the Capitals is rough. But Berry tries to remember Zimms’ advice and stay focused on what he can do. Halfway through the second period, he gets the puck and manages to keep it, even as Djoos follows him so closely that he has to go behind the net and around to tip it in. It’s a move that Zimms told him Bitty excelled at in college. He might not have gotten to play at home, but Angel got to see his first NHL goal. Zimms and Parse get a goal each to finish out the win. Berry gets third star and the press actually asks for him. They mention that his brother saw the goal and Berry admits that he’s happy about it, even though their schedule means that he only got to see his brother for a few minutes.

***

Pittsburgh is stressful for a completely different reason. Morning skate is short because they’re all tired and the trainers are still pushing Parse to rest his knee while he can. This means that they have time to leave the team to go to lunch with Bob Zimmermann and Mario Lemieux. Parse and Tater come too, and Berry is sure Parse is going to chirp him forever because he can barely talk to either of them. Bob compliments his goal against the Caps and Berry can barely even thank him. Bob also tells a story about how Zimms tried to fight one of the Penguin’s rookies during a game of mini-sticks when he was four.

“It was still better than when he tried to teach Kenny to fight on the rink at our house,” Bob says, and Parse groans and looks at Berry.

“If you repeat these stories, I’m making Zimms adopt you out,” Parse says. “I’m making him give you to Rusher.”

“Zimms not give away Berry any more than you give up Mills,” Tater says.

Berry knows they probably think he’s weird because he barely says anything the entire dinner. He’s still getting over the fact that he’s at lunch with this group of people when all he wants to do is get their autographs. It’s bad enough that Mills told Bitty about the autographed Falconers jersey that Zimms doesn’t remember signing.

Bob hugs him after the dinner and Berry basically just stands there freaking out while Parse laughs. Berry texts him in the car back to the hotel.

 **Berry:** I won’t tell everyone those stories if you won’t tell them how dumb I was.  
**Parse:** Deal. I’ll handle Tater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chowder demanded to be in this chapter and so now he is. But also, I wanted to let Berry not worry so much about himself.
> 
> Chapter 5 may be a bit delayed. I'm currently behind in the editing. But I doubt it will be more than a few days.


	5. Chapter 5

Zimms’ mood is clearly off on the flight home from their win against the Flyers. Berry even sees him snap at Tater. Tater just sighs and types something into his phone. A few seconds later, Parse gets up and trades seats with Tater. Zimms only looks more annoyed, but when Parse speaks quietly to him, he deflates. Berry and Judy are in the back of the plane just a seat up from the media team. Reaper leans into the aisle and peers in their direction while typing on his phone. He only gets away with being so obvious because most of the plane is asleep. No one else notices how much he watches Zimms, but he has a habit of not noticing Berry watching. Berry hasn’t told Zimms because Reaper hasn’t really done anything, and it’ll just make Zimms think the team doesn’t like him.

They have a couple of days off when they get back and then only one other home game before they play the Falconers. The closer it gets, the more withdrawn Zimms is. Berry feels better about all the time Zimms spends coaching him because it seems to pull Zimms out a little. Maybe he should bring it up, but if Zimms snapped at Tater, maybe it’s better if Berry doesn’t get in the line of fire.

Berry almost expects Zimms to disappear with Cupid for lunch the day of the game, but they both come down and sit with the team. Berry just wants these games to be over.

It’s not a close game. Every single player on the Aces knows how much they need to win this game and even if none of the players have said shitty stuff about losing Zimms, the Falcs’ management has. Maybe they just don’t have as much to prove as the Aces do. More likely, they don’t have Zimms and the Aces do.

***

They only have one day without any games or practices before the next road trip. Berry wants nothing more than to sleep and maybe go to dinner at Zimms’ house so that Bitty will feed him. But Hammer says the young guys should go out after they beat the Hurricanes.

Mills vetoes Hammer’s first suggestion by saying, “We’re not stalking your girlfriend at work. She’ll get mad at you and then make you spend $5000 to get back at you. I’m doing you a favor.”

Cupid apparently isn’t going, so they end up at a club where Mills drops Parse’s name and they get taken right to a VIP booth. Apparently, coming out has not hurt Parse’s influence at all.

“Parse tips really high everywhere he goes. They couldn’t care less if he’s gay,” Mills says.

“Does Parse care if you do that?” Berry asks.

“Not as long as I tip just as well,” Mills says. He buys two bottles of liquor with mixers, orders everyone not to do anything stupid, and follows Hammer onto the dance floor.

Berry’s nursing a vodka soda and trying to add more soda to it inconspicuously when Mills and Hammer come back to the booth.

“Bro. Why are you hiding in the booth?” Hammer says while he pours shots. “You’re like one of only three of us who can pick up. And you never pick up. What’s your type? I’ll find you a girl.”

Berry shrugs. He’s never understood the type thing. He had a girlfriend in high school. Jessica was cool. She was basically his best friend, so it was easy. They lost touch after she went to college and he decided having a Facebook was a bad idea, but it was fine. Since then, making the show has just been more important.

“What about that girl?” Hammer asks. He points to a blonde who looks like she’s friends with the girl that Judy is talking to. “You could help Judy out.”

“If Judy needs that much help, then the girl doesn’t want him anyway,” Mills says.

“I’m not saying he should push. I’m just saying. Berry could help her friend not be bored. And get laid. Win/win.” Hammer says.

Hammer must not care too much about Judy, because he scans the crowd and points to a group of girls eyeing their booth.

“What about those girls? You could send them drinks. See who likes you.”

“They don’t want us,” Mills says. “They want our booth and our bottles. This is why Parse has half of the clubs trained to tell on you.”

“They might want us,” Hammer says.

“At least two of them are lesbians,” Mills says. “How did you ever get Lucy to finally date you?”

“I listened to how she wanted to be treated,” Hammer says with some indignation.

“Fair,” Mills says. “You found someone who was happy to give you very clear directions. So maybe pick up on how Berry doesn’t want you to get him laid.”

Berry wants to die but Hammer instantly looks upset. All the drinks he’s had probably have something to do with his quick turnaround.

“Bro, I’m sorry. I’m being a dick, right? I’m assuming shit. I’ll stop,” Hammer says.

“It’s fine,” Berry says because he doesn’t want Hammer drunkenly apologizing for the rest of the night.

Hammer does a shot and goes back to the dance floor.

“Sorry if I made you feel weirder by calling him out,” Mills says. “I just know him. He means well, but sometimes, you have to actually tell him when he’s out of line. He does not pick up signals. It’s worse when he’s drinking.”

“It’s okay,” Berry says.

“You can dance with us if you want. I promised Lucy that I’d watch out for him, and it keeps people off both of us. Lucy doesn’t really get jealous. She just knows exactly how stupid he is. Her words were, ‘just make sure he has both shoes and his wallet when he gets home and he doesn’t put any parts of his body into anyone else.’”

“Does Cupid care?” Berry asks.

“If I dance with you guys? No,” Mills says. “He trusts me, but he doesn’t love when random people dance on me either. So I don’t really let them. And Hammer transfers being his D partner to the club and helps. We keep each other in line when we go out without them. And they know that.”

Berry must look confused because Mills asks, “What? I can’t even figure out what you’re judging?”

“Nothing. Sorry. Just. I mean, even I know you’d never cheat on Cupid. Why do you need anyone to keep you in line?”

“Obviously. Of course, I wouldn’t. But I don’t stop being attracted to hot people just because I love Cupid. I’d never _do_ anything. But when I’m drinking it really doesn’t bother me if random girls dance on me because I know it’s not serious. But it bothers Cupid. I don’t know. It helps to have a wingman. Or an anti-wingman. I’m not saying it’s how everyone should be, but Cupid doesn’t always want to go out when I do, so I take Hammer and he worries less. It works for us.”

Berry shrugs. He doesn’t really get it, and he really doesn’t understand how Lucy wouldn’t have a problem with how Hammer is grinding with a girl on the dance floor. But Mills doesn’t seem to think it’s an issue until she turns around and goes to kiss him. Hammer pulls away, but Mills leaves the booth to grab him and drag him away.

“Why did you tell her I had mouth herpes?” Hammer is saying when they get to the booth. “That’s what you had to say? What if she knows who I am?”

“That’s what Lucy told me to say,” Mills says laughing. “I’m pretty sure she didn’t believe me anyway. Your girlfriend is all over your Instagram. If she knows who you are, she’ll probably figure out the truth before she believes that.”

“You’re the worst,” Hammer says, but he slides back in the booth and starts making another drink.

Mills makes sure they’re all in cars home at the end of the night and then shares a cab with Berry because Rusher lives near Cupid’s apartment.

“Reaper doesn’t like when I come home drunk,” Mills says.

“And Cupid doesn’t care?”

“Cupid doesn’t care because when I wake him up, I usually blow him. Tequila makes me horny.”

Berry’s pretty sure he’d still be annoyed about getting woken up, but he’s not sleeping with Mills, so it doesn’t matter.

***

**Hammer:** Why did you guys let me drink so much?  
**Mills:** Why did YOU let ME drink so much?  
**Hammer:** At least you probably got laid when you got home. :(  
**Mills:** You knew Lucy was at work. You did this to yourself.  
**Judy:** Hammer, you owe me $50.  
**Hammer:** Fuck off.  
**Cupid:** Is everyone on this chat hungover except me?  
**Berry:** I’m fine.  
**Hammer:** I hate all of you.

Berry considers texting the younger guys group chat pictures of all the food that Bitty made for dinner because they deserve it, but then they might all try to come over, and he’d like to keep getting invited to Zimms’ house.

Zimms is clearly not in the best mood but Berry doesn’t think bringing up the road trip east is going to help. So he goes with what normally works and decides to distract Zimms with his own problems after dinner. Or that’s what Berry’s going to tell himself. The reality is that Zimms brings it up instead of turning on the game they were going to watch after dinner.

“Did something happen last night when you went out? Cupid said you were the only one who went who wasn’t hungover.”

“Do you think it’s weird that I’m single and I don’t go out and pick up?” Berry asks.

“Not really,” Zimms says. “It was never really my thing either. Or Bittle’s. Not everyone wants to pick up random people.”

“Yeah, okay,” Berry says.

“Were the guys bothering you about it?” Zimms asks.

“Mills made them stop,” Berry says. He’s glad now that Mills said something because he doesn’t want Zimms or Parse making a big deal out of it.  
Zimms nods and lets it drop.

***

Berry doesn’t get bothered about it again because everyone is focused on the next road trip. Zimms is quieter than normal, but he still makes time to stay late with Berry at the rink.

“Parse says it’s good for him to have you to worry about,” Mills says when he’s driving Berry home one day. Toronto will be Berry’s tenth game with the Aces. It’s confirmation that he’s staying in the NHL for the season. Bitty says they’ll celebrate when the Aces get back from the road trip.

Samwell is amazing, but losing to the Falcs takes all the fun out of it. The worst part is that no one lets him help Zimms at all. They’re all happy to let him be a distraction, but even though Zimms sits with him for a few minutes at the airport, Cupid takes over once they get on the plane. Berry must not be hiding his annoyance as well as he thought because after almost everyone is asleep, Mills comes over and asks Judy to trade seats with him. 

“I’m not giving your seat back. I’m going to sleep,” Judy says because Mills’ was sitting with Matty in one of the aisles with extra legroom.

“They’re not blocking you from Zimms because they don’t trust you,” Mills says. “They’re just being stupid. Parse does the same thing to me all the time even though at this point, I tell him myself that it’s irritating.”

“Parse let you go to Zimms’ house when he had a panic attack,” Berry points out.

“Yeah. And I was shocked about that, but it’s because it was Zimms. Every time Parse is upset about anything, he hides from me like I’ll suddenly think less of him if I see him being less than perfect,” Mills says. “They think you’ll look up to him less if you see him struggling. It’s very stupid, but don’t take it personally.”

“I wish he’d let me help.”

“I know, but you actually have helped a lot. Seriously. That comes directly from Parse. He says the only thing that gets Zimms out of his own anxiety is having someone else to help. And lucky for you, Zimms is apparently less of an asshole about it than he used to be.”

“He’s never an asshole about it.”

“Did you miss the story about how he woke up his fiancé at four am for two years to make him practice taking checks?” Mills says.

Berry shrugs. He’d wake up at four am to train with Zimms if Zimms asked him to, but he knows Bitty well enough to know that probably wasn’t his favorite thing to do.

“Anyway. You’re helping. But that’s also what Reaper and Swoops always said to me when Parse was clearly having all kinds of issues and not letting me do anything about it, so I get how fucking annoying it is,” Mills says. “Just give it some time. He’ll get better. Probably way quicker than Parse did because Zimms actually invites you to things. He’s figured out that Parse harasses him less when you’re around. That’s why he invited you to go to dinner with his dad instead of Cupid.”

“Was Cupid mad about that?”

“No. Cupid hates that kind of stuff. I think half of the conversations he has with Zimms are so they can plot about how to get Parse to leave them both alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally I try really hard to do my research and make this make sense with how a hockey team would really be. But in this case there are blatant changes from real life. See, I just can't make the Aces assholes. But also, don't get excited if NHL players come into your place of employment. In my experience they are shit tippers. And this is why I don't cheer for my local team. I refused to support anyone at their job if they can't tip as expected at my job. Lets just pretend the Aces are randomly good tippers, okay?


	6. Chapter 6

Back in Vegas, after the Falcs games are behind them, everyone seems to have a different idea about how they should celebrate Berry staying with the team. Berry likes Zimms’ idea of just having him over to dinner so that Bitty can feed him. Hammer, of course, thinks they need to go out. Either way, it’s all put on hold because Mason has invited the entire team to his figure skating competition.

A figure skating competition isn’t really how Berry wants to spend his day off, but Mason comes up to him after their home game against the Flames and personally invites him while Mills is standing right there. Berry can’t exactly tell a seven-year-old that he just doesn’t want to go because he doesn’t really care. Especially not after how much Mills has tried to help him out all year. So, he agrees to go. Hammer laughs at him later.

“That kid knows exactly what he’s doing,” Hammer says. “He was basically raised in that locker room. He knows that if he asks rookies things when Mills or his dad is around that they’ll agree to it.”

“So you’re not going?” Berry asks.

Hammer sighs.

“I’m going. Lucy’s going too. He got to her with his sad puppy eyes before the game even started. Bring an extra battery for your phone. These things are long and the kids are cute, but half of them can’t do anything and it gets really boring.”

***

Hammer is not wrong. Mason has the biggest cheering section by far. He’s managed to get almost the entire team there, while most of the kids only have their immediate families. Berry finds Zimms and Cupid who both look relieved when he sits down next to them.

“Bitty’s talking to some of the coaches,” Zimms says. “He still knows people from when he competed.”

“Mills is with Mason,” Cupid says.

“So I’m supposed to handle the small talk for all of us?” Berry asks.

“Yes. Thanks,” Cupid says. Zimms shrugs and gives him a grateful smile at least.

The problem is that Cupid’s status as Mills’ boyfriend has them way too close to the action and there’s really just not that much excitement. The program says that the oldest kids competing are twelve, and they’re last. Mason’s the youngest in his group because he’s just that good or something, so he’s competing against eight and nine-year-olds. This means that they have to sit through the younger groups. They’re adorable. But they also can’t do anything exciting. The youngest kids basically just skate in circles holding hands. So even though it’s kind of rude, Berry has a hard time not looking at his phone every few seconds. It doesn’t really occur to him that if he was going to be on his phone, he probably should’ve sat in the back of the group like Hammer.

Which is probably why during one of the breaks, he goes to get food and gets cornered by a blonde woman in a tracksuit that matches the rest Mason’s team. She looks familiar, but Berry’s never been to any of Mason’s events before, so it’s probably his imagination.

“You know the kids can see you when you’re on your phone,” she says. “I know you guys get roped into these things, but that’s your own problem. I’ll still tell Xander Grimm if you’re making the kids feel bad.”

Then she turns and leaves him as he tries to call out an apology. Great. He came to this thing because he didn’t want the vets to be mad at him and now the vets are going to be mad at him.

He tells Zimms about it when he gets back because he doesn’t know what else to do.

“Who was it?” Zimms asks.

Of course, when he points her out, she sees him doing it and glares at him.

“Parker?” Cupid says. “Well, she definitely knows who you are if she wants to tell on you.”

“That’s helpful,” Berry says.

“She’s on the ice crew,” Cupid says.

“It’s not like we see the ice crew,” Berry points out. They literally never have a chance to talk to the crew. Occasionally, the crew will show up at the same events as Aces’ players, but they haven’t been at any of the same charity events as Berry. On top of that, they’re not exactly encouraged to talk to the ice crew. It’s not forbidden like Berry’s heard is common on some teams, but that doesn’t mean the Aces management _wants_ them to do it.

“I’ll tell Mills,” Cupid says, which is a lot more useful. “She’s one of Mason’s main coaches. He can intercept and say you didn’t realize they could see you.”

“I really didn’t,” Berry points out. He puts his phone away and makes himself watch all the rest of the kids.

Mason wins even though he’s the youngest in his group. They stay for the older kids and for the awards ceremony and Berry watches all of it, but to be fair, it also gets more interesting. Either way, Mason’s happy and his family’s happy, so Berry has hope that they can just forget about the whole thing where he got yelled at by one of the coaches.

***

The problem with someone not liking you is that suddenly, they’re everywhere. Mills offers to give Berry a ride home from practice because Rusher isn’t leaving at the same time. He has to pick up Mason from his skating lesson before dropping off Berry, and he conveniently forgets to mention that he’s also giving Parker a ride. She rolls her eyes at Berry and sits in the back with Mason. Thankfully, Mason chatters the entire ride until Berry can escape.

The next week, Berry gets asked to go to an open ice-skating event for kids. It’s before Christmas and there are so many charity events that they divide the players up. Apparently, Berry’s event is also an event where the ice crew is helping out.

The Aces’ crew is a mix of men and women, and the women actually get to wear pants and jackets when they’re on the ice. As far as he knows, they always got to wear pants, but he knows the girls used to have to wear tiny sports bras. At some point after Parse came out, someone wrote an article about how the Aces weren’t really progressive if they still made their ice crew girls freeze to death. So, the girls got cute shiny Aces jackets instead of crop tops, and they have the guys wear the same thing instead of plain black jackets so they can say it’s equal. They still have crop tops and skirts that they can wear for events, but it’s optional.

Parker is with another girl on the ice crew on the other side of the rink. Berry stays far away from her until he sees one of the Aces’ staff arguing with one of the kid’s parents who is pointing at Parker. Mills is across the rink, but he takes off toward Parker like he’s on a breakaway. One of the kids pulls at Berry then, and Berry knows he has to stop watching. Mills actually knows Parker and he’s as much of a star as Zimms and Parse, so people will listen to him. Berry has no idea what’s going on, so watching is only going to make the situation worse.

When he looks around ten minutes later, the parent is gone, but so are Parker and Mills.

 **Mills:** Sorry I had to leave. I know I was supposed to give you a ride. Tell me if you’re stuck there or something and I’ll come get you.  
**Berry:** No big deal. Hammer said he’d take me home. Are you okay?  
**Mills:** I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.  
**Berry:** Dude. I know something happened. Is Parker okay?  
**Mills:** It’s not really my place to talk about it.

***

Berry knows he doesn’t really have any place to be nosy about Parker, so he tries to forget the whole thing. He has other things to worry about. Like flying home to Oakland for two days for Christmas.

Angel’s home from college for the break, but he’s already been home for a few days, so now all the attention is on Berry because they haven’t seen him since the Aces came to San Jose. He’s playing in the NHL. He’s traveled all over the country. He had dinner with Bob Zimmermann. He has dinner with Jack Zimmermann on a regular basis. He has so many cool stories that he can tell everyone.

His mama and his grandparents want to know why he’s still single.

“I’m busy,” Berry tells them. “I stay late with Zimms to practice every chance I can. It’s the NHL. I can’t worry about that right now.”

“That’s what you said last year,” Mama says then she starts talking to his grandmother in Spanish about how girls should be fighting over him. To be honest, she’s the real reason he tried to keep Jessica happy with him for all of high school.

“He’s nineteen. He dated the same girl all through high school,” Angel says. “Let him have fun before you make him settle down again.”

That sets everyone off talking like he’s some kind of player the way Hammer thinks he should be. Berry should argue, but he doesn’t because then he’ll have to explain just how much he doesn’t care.

Later, after everyone else is asleep and Berry is trying to pack for his flight in the morning, Angel comes in his room.

“Sorry if I made it worse,” Angel says. “Mama just worries about you being by yourself in Vegas.”

“I’m not by myself. I live with my teammate and his girlfriend. My teammates basically never leave me alone.”

“And they take you out enough I guess,” Angel says with a smirk that makes Berry want to run away from the conversation. He loves his older brother, but Angel’s the one who really breaks all the girl’s hearts. He’s probably had five different girlfriends since he started college.

“Mostly we have to go home early because we have practice,” Berry says.

“You know I follow all your teammates on Instagram, right?” Angel asks. “Hamilton actually tags strippers in his posts.”

“Hammer tags one stripper in his posts. She’s his girlfriend and he’s not making her quit her job. Supposedly, dating her has made him more boring because now he can’t act like an idiot in any of the nearby strip clubs.”

Angel just looks confused.

“You know strippers and you’re not hooking up?”

“I sort of know one, and I’m not going to piss Hammer off by being weird about it,” Berry says. Seriously, Hammer plays around, but he’s still been on the team for more than four years. Berry’s not stupid. He’s not trying to make anyone mad at him when he’s a rookie.

“You’re a professional athlete in Las Vegas. Tell me you’re at least having some fun,” Angel says.

“Well, yeah.”

“Playing hockey with Jack Zimmermann is not what I’m talking about.”

Berry shrugs. Playing hockey with the guys is fun to him. Hanging out with Zimms is fun.

“You’re not gay, are you?” Angel asks. “Everyone says Zimmermann probably is and you’re always hanging out with him.”

“I’m hanging out with him because he helped me make the team, and I can learn a lot from him,” Berry feels hot, and he hates himself for it. He wants to say he’s just mad because there’s nothing wrong with being gay. But it’s different than when Mills implied that he might have a crush on Zimms. That was embarrassing because it was Zimms, but not because Mills thought he might be gay. Because Mills chirped him like it was no big deal. Angel says it like he really wants Berry to deny it.

“That’s what I said. That’s what I told Mama,” Angel says. “But you’ve been single since high school. And you never seemed all that into Jessica in the first place.”

“Well, I’m not dating a guy either,” Berry tells him and then feels instantly awful that he said it like he was offended.

“Hey,” Angel says. “You could tell me if you were. I wouldn’t tell Mama.”

“Thanks,” Berry says. “But I really am just busy.”

“But you know you could tell me,” Angel says.

“You just said I could.” Berry rolls his eyes and goes back to forcing his suitcase closed.

“You don’t talk to me about girls you like,” Angel says. “I just wanted you to know. If you say you like girls, I’ll believe you.”

Berry nods and zips up his suitcase.

“I should go to sleep,” Berry says. It’s true. He has to fly back early because they have practice in the afternoon and a home game on the twenty-seventh.

Berry still lies in bed a long time. He nodded on reflex because he just wanted Angel to stop asking. But now he’s thinking about it. He’s never wanted to hook up with a guy. But he only had sex with Jessica because she wanted to. It was ok, but he never felt like he was suffering for the years that she wanted to wait. Somehow, Berry’s sure that even if it’s normal that he isn’t much for hooking up randomly, he should still probably think sex is more than just okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating in the middle of the night because I wanted to update tonight for reasons but I didn't move fast enough. Also, I'm trying to not post the finals in this fic until after the real life finals. Also for reasons.


	7. Chapter 7

Mills drags Berry to another one of Mason’s figure skating lessons because he fails at time management and Berry is in Mills’ car when he realizes that he told Mason he’d come to watch. Berry could call a car, but he doesn’t want to be an asshole about it when he knows that Mills has had a shitty beginning to the new year. Mills helped Zimms through a panic attack right after the new year started and even though they’ve tried to hide it, Berry can tell things have been tense with Cupid since the beginning of February. Berry doesn’t want to make anything harder on him. As annoying as Mills is, he’s also helped Berry a lot.

But maybe Berry wants to point out that Mills is a hypocrite. Mills hates when Parse hides from him. He says he understands why Berry hates the way Zimms does the same thing. But the truth is that Mills does the _exact_ same thing and pretends that he’s fine when Berry asks him. One day, when Berry’s one of the older guys, he’s going to remember not to treat the rookies like they’re kids. He’s already a whole year older than Mills was when he was a rookie.

Mason’s on the ice with Parker working on jumps. Once again, Mason’s the smallest one in the group. He’s almost eight, but the other kids look like they’re at least ten. Mason sees them and points them out to Parker. She waves at Mills and then goes back to explaining something. As far as Berry can tell, she’s explaining how to take off and then land a jump.

“She says Mason’s better than she was when she was his age,” Mills says. “And she almost went to the Olympics.”

“How old is she? She can’t still go?” Berry asks.

“She’s twenty.”

“Twenty is too old in figure skating?” To be fair, Berry has no idea how old is too old for figure skating.

“She’s not eligible,” Mills says. Berry wants to ask why, but he’s pretty sure he’s not supposed to.

Practice ends but Mason doesn’t skate off as soon as everyone else. They’ve already watched him land the same jump multiple times. He’s only doing about half a rotation, but Berry figures Mason’s eight so that’s probably still good. Parker is talking to some of the parents when he tries again, gets more than a full rotation and falls over as soon as he lands it. He gets up and glances over at her the same way that Mills looks at the coaches when he’s supposed to be running a basic drill but wants to try something fancy instead. Mason tries again. This time he lands it perfectly.

Berry cheers with Mills. He can’t help it and Mills cheers, so Berry figures that it’s fine. Parker looks over at Mason before she skates to the where they’re standing.

“He did something he’s not supposed to be doing yet, didn’t he?” Parker asks Mills.

“I have no idea. I don’t know what anything is,” Mills says.

“You’re such a liar. I don’t believe anyone in your family except Ty.” Parker looks at Berry next.

“Okay, I really have no idea what anything is,” Berry says.

“That I believe,” Parker says, rolling her eyes before turning around so she can make Mason stop practicing.

“She still hates me,” Berry says.

“Do you care?” Mills asks. “Wait, do you care because you like her? Because that’s kind of complicated.”

“Can’t I just care because I don’t like when people don’t like me?” Berry snaps.

“Sorry,” Mills says, but he’s looking at Berry like he’s crazy.

“Sorry. I guess I’m tired of people asking me why I’m not dating. It’s like I get asked about every girl that I speak to,” Berry says.

He’s glad when they’re interrupted by Mason.

***

Berry’s real mistake is that he’s forgotten how much Mills talks to Parse. The younger guys are always a little separated from the older guys on the team. It’s impossible not to be. Most of the older guys are married or close to it. Some of them have kids. They hang out as a team, and they all have one or two older guys that they’re closer to, but there’s a reason they have a group chat for just the younger guys. Hammer, Mills and Cupid kind of sit in the middle of the groups because they’re younger, but Mills started playing for the Aces when he was only eighteen and Hammer and Cupid started when they were nineteen. Also, there doesn’t seem to be anyone that Mills is intimidated by, and, unlike Cupid, he doesn’t know how to mind his own business at all.

Hammer says Berry has been spared from the vets being in his business all the time because Zimms adopted him. Mostly, Berry has to agree that he’s right. He should’ve known there was a limit to Parse just leaving him alone.

Zimms is driving them both back to his house to eat when he says something.

“Parse wanted me to talk to you about something.”

“Should I be worried?” Berry tries to think of things he could’ve done wrong. He thinks that he’s been playing okay.

“No. He’s just worried. So I said I’d talk to you, but if you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine. You can, obviously, if you want, but you don’t have to. I’ll tell him you’re fine.”

“I still don’t know what we’re actually talking about,” Berry says.

“He said some of the guys have been bothering you about not dating. I guess you got mad at Mills about it,” Zimms says.

“I said one thing. It was barely even a thing,” Berry said. “I mean, I told you I don’t see the point in randomly hooking up. They just don’t get that.”

Zimms nods.

“He says Mills isn’t mad. He’s just worried. He doesn’t know how to direct the other guys about it because he can’t figure out if it’s just chirping and he should leave it alone, or if it’s a sexuality thing and he should really shut the guys down,” Zimms says.

“And it doesn’t occur to him that he’s being just as nosy and annoying?” Berry asks.

Zimms laughs.

“Like I said. I’ll tell him whatever you want to get them to leave you alone,” Zimms says as he parks in front of his house and gets out of the car. “It’s not any of their business.”

Bitty’s not home, but while Zimms claims he can’t do anything in the kitchen, Berry knows it’s a lie. He sits at the breakfast bar and cuts the vegetables that Zimms hands him.

“I just don’t even know what to tell Mills. I feel like he wants some kind of answer so that he knows what to do. Like he wants me to say I’m gay and that’s why I’m not picking up girls, but I don’t think I’m gay. I’d probably want to hook up with guys if I was gay and I don’t.”

Zimms shrugs. He doesn’t fill in thoughts for Berry the way that Mills tends to do.

“It’s just, I don’t want to hook up with girls either. At all,” Berry says. He’s glad Zimms is turned away from him and focused on the stove.

“You know you don’t have to do either, right?” Zimms asks.

“Yeah, but I’m supposed to want to.”

“Says who?”

“The world?” Berry says because to be fair to Mills, he hasn’t actually pressured Berry to do anything.

Zimms turns around to plate their food, but maybe he can tell that Berry doesn’t want to have eye contact right now because he doesn’t try.

“You don’t have to,” Zimms says. “Maybe you’ll change your mind, but you can be asexual if that’s what you’re feeling. You know that, right?”

“Like a worm?”

Zimms laughs but there’s nothing mean about it.

“No. It’s not about reproduction. It’s just, like, you don’t really want to have sex.” Zimms types something in his phone and then slides it over to Berry.

“My best friend from college, Shitty, he thought I might like to think about being demi-sexual. I don’t think I really need a word besides bisexual, but I kind of read up on all of it,” Zimms says.

Berry reads the Wikipedia article while he eats and even clicks on some of the links and sources.

“I’ve had sex,” Berry says. “And it wasn’t awful, but I guess. I don’t know, I didn’t really care too much about it either.”

Zimms just nods.

“I don’t know,” Berry says. It’s a lot to think about. It never occurred to him that he could just not be into sex and that would be fine. He’s sure his mom isn’t going to take that explanation.

“You don’t really have to be sure,” Zimms says with a shrug. “I thought for a while that Kenny was maybe just it for me or I was too messed up in general. Maybe you’ll change your mind at some point, but you don’t have to. It doesn’t really matter.”

“Thanks,” Berry says. “I guess I never really heard of this stuff.”

“I went to an interesting college,” Zimms says.

“They should teach us this kind of shit in high school. Do they teach this stuff in Canada?”

“Not really. Even my dad didn’t get to this stuff,” Jack says. “And he gave me a gay sex talk just in case I needed it.”

***

Berry is ready to let the whole thing just go away. He knows Zimms told Parse to just drop it, so he’s hoping that’s it. The problem is that Rusher isn’t staying late after practice and Zimms can’t always drive Berry home. And Mills offers a lot because Cupid lives near Rusher. Berry should just buy a car. The car ride is so quiet that Berry’s almost relieved when Mills cracks.

“I’m sorry I said something to Parse. I know it’s not cool. I swear I don’t tell him everything about other people. I know that’s what everyone thinks, but I mostly just tell him my stuff.”

“Okay,” Berry says.

“And I’m sorry I’m bringing it up because I know that Zimms told Parse that you guys talked, and we should just leave it alone. But I wanted to say I’m sorry. And I won’t do again. Probably. I’ll try not to.”

“I’m not mad,” Berry says because it’s starting to get painful to listen to Mills ramble. “But can we drop it now?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Sorry.”

It’s painfully quiet for another few minutes before Mills speaks again. Thankfully, it’s a change of subject.

“So, you’re going to that hospital thing tomorrow, right? Do you need a ride? I was going to drive, and I can pick you up.”

Berry agrees because he _does_ need a ride. Plus, if he says no, Mills will probably take it personally.

***

 **Mills:** I forgot to tell you I’m giving Parker a ride to the hospital thing too. I swear I’m not trying to do some weird set up. Parker would murder me. But we’re coming from Mason’s lesson, so I said I’d give her a ride too.  
**Berry:** It’s ok.

Mills pulls up in a car Berry’s never seen before.

“Reaper lets you drive his car?” Berry asks while Mills moves a booster seat to the trunk so Berry can sit next to Parker since Cupid’s already in the front seat.

“He does, but this is mine. I just don’t drive it to the rink as much,” Mills says. Berry knows he also has a convertible with only two seats in addition to his “more practical” sports car. But, of course, Mills has a third car that’s more practical for driving his siblings around. He has an ad campaign with a Porsche dealership. He probably doesn’t even pay for them.

Mills only moves one of the two booster seats, so Berry has to sit right next to Parker. She’s already in her Aces’ crew uniform. Her jacket is in her lap, but she’s wearing the crop top and mini-skirt option. It’s practical. Mills is blasting the air-conditioning but it’s 96 degrees outside. Berry’s not putting his jersey on until they’re inside and PR needs them to take pictures.

Mills and Parker spend the drive talking about Mason’s progress. Berry has no idea what they’re talking about, but clearly Mills was lying about not understanding anything about figure skating.

A representative from the hospital leads them to a room where a few other players and members of the ice crew are waiting, and Parker immediately peels off to join the other crew members.

“It’s cool that they don’t give them crap about hanging out with players anymore,” one of the hospital staff says when he comes up to them.

“I didn’t know that was a thing,” Berry admits. He’s heard from his friends on other teams that their ice girls can’t even be in the same restaurant or bar, but no one on the Aces have ever mentioned anything about it being an issue.

“Until a few years ago, they had to be scheduled at different times,” Reaper says. “It’s stupid. They never told us we weren’t allowed to date them, but they made us do different events. Anyway, that got dropped when they changed their outfits. They got raises and stopped a lot of the sexist stuff like telling them they couldn’t talk to us at all. Which is good for us because she’s been a great coach for Mason.”

“She’s the only one who really hangs out with a player anyway, and we only hang out because of Mason,” Mills says. “They don’t think the players are progressive enough to want to date her anyway.”

Berry looks back over at where the crew is gathered. Berry doesn’t need to be attracted to her to know that she’s gorgeous. Parker’s tall and blonde and she fits the crop top and skirt perfectly. She’s literally a model of what half the Aces’ girlfriends look like. Then again, she’s also kind of terrifying when she’s mad. Berry wouldn’t be surprised if hockey players couldn’t handle that.

Still, the players don’t mix with the crew that much. They pose in a few of the same pictures and then separate.

Berry doesn’t see Parker again until they’re leaving. She’s already back in the room they started out in when the group that Berry is with gets back. None of the other crew members are with her. Mills goes right over to her. Berry hangs back, but it’s not a big enough room that he doesn’t hear them.

“Who gave you issues?” Mills asks.

“It’s fine. It’s my fault for doing that article,” Parker says. “Kelly says she’ll talk to management and I can just do the events with Parse and Tater for a while. I can ask Amber and Rob to go with me so I’m not obviously the only crew person with them.”

Berry figures that she must be bi then. Parse and Tater don’t do a lot of the regular events with kids anymore. Berry knows the Aces offered to back them up, but Parse said it wasn’t the kids’ fault that their parents didn’t want him around and he didn’t want the kids to miss out. So instead of doing the regular events with kids, he and Tater make a few pre-approved hospital visits and also work with LGBTQ organizations where they’re always welcome. If she came out in some article, then it makes sense that no one worries about her hooking up with players.

Mills looks like he wants to say something else, but he glances around at the hospital staff before getting up from where he sat next to her.

“We don’t have to wait for everyone else. Reaper drove without me, so we can get out of here,” Mills says. Parker nods and gets up, so Berry follows Cupid’s lead and goes with them to the car. The car is so quiet that Berry is glad when he gets dropped off first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The other site is a chapter ahead, but this one needed to get updated first because the previews of this fic are generally for only the top levels. But I'm in the mood to post Berry winning a Stanley Cup. ;) (This runs concurrent to A Place to Go, so that's not a spoiler, right?)
> 
> So I think most people had figured out Berry was ace before this chapter. I did expect that to happen. Most people reading this are much more educated about gender and sexuality that your average nineteen-year-old NHL player. Ngozi made Samwell what it was to make her characters have a reason to be more knowledgeable and she planted Shitty on the team to help. I did something similar when I gave Jeff two moms and Matty a gay sister. But I’ve interacted with NHL and AHL players and there’s definitely a lot of pressure to be hooking up or dating or wanting to. Add all that with that lots of people still don’t understand asexuality and I figure Berry would’ve maybe not realized it was a thing. Thankfully Jack went to Samwell. Thanks for the assist there Jack with me wanting to not make this unrealistic.
> 
> Speaking of Jack, Jack’s description of his opinion on demi-sexuality is my own. I identify as homosexual and biromantic. I basically don’t bother with the biromantic part because it’s more trouble to deal with than it’s worth. Demi-sexuality has been tossed at me. It makes me uncomfortable for reasons of my own. So if you like that label for yourself, please don’t be offended that I gave Jack my feelings. I wanted him to be able to relate to Berry the way I do, but I didn’t want to write something I wasn’t really comfortable writing.


	8. Chapter 8

The closer they get to the end of the season, the more everyone focuses hockey. Mills and Cupid seem to lose whatever tension they had in February. The team gets used to Zimms, Cenzar is off injury, and they don’t have to play the Falconers anymore. Berry stops worrying about his sexuality because everyone seems to stop caring.

Then, in March, Rusher gets the flu. It’s not a huge deal. They’ve almost clinched the playoffs. Berry moves into Zimms’ spare room so that he doesn’t get sick. Rusher spends most of the week that he’s sick alternating between whining about being sick and bragging about Petra taking care of him. This gets the guys talking about whose girl takes care of them the best.

“So, what I’m getting is that all of your girlfriends’ are saints and they should get paid to put up with you,” Cupid says on the way back from Houston.

“Whatever. Mills is bad too, but Ty has to take care of him because we can’t risk you getting sick at the same time,” Matty says.

“We take care of each other. He took care of me when I had a concussion,” Cupid says.

“Tater and I take care of each other if it’s not contagious,” Parse says. “Sounds like a straight people problem.”

“To be fair, sometimes Hammer does pay Lucy,” Judy adds.

Hammer throws a napkin at Judy, but he doesn’t argue. Berry has stopped trying to figure out Hammer’s relationship.

It’s not until Berry’s back in the guestroom at Zimms’ house trying to sleep that it occurs to him that if he doesn’t date, he’s never going to have that. He still doesn’t want to have sex, but he doesn’t like the idea of going through his life alone either.

He must not hide his concern well because Zimms asks him if he’s okay on the way home from practice the next day.

“It’s kind of stupid,” Berry says.

“Bits always says it’s not stupid if it’s bothering you,” Zimms says.

“It’s just, I’d decided I’m just asexual, but I guess I didn’t think about what that means,” Berry says. “Like you and Bitty, you’re a team. You always have someone. And Mills and Cupid, it’s so obvious that they have each other’s backs all the time. And my parents are like that. If I’m like this, then I’ll never have that. It’ll always just be me, taking care of myself.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” Zimms says.

“I know I’ll have my friends and all that. But it’s not the same.”

Zimms doesn’t answer right away.

“Is that something you really want or just what you think you’re supposed to want?” Zimms asks. “Because you don’t have to want that.”

“Who wants to just be alone?” Berry asks.

“My ex-girlfriend for one,” Zimms says with a chuckle. “We were the worst combination. She liked sex, but she only dated me because she felt like she was supposed to want a relationship. I might’ve been more into her eventually, but it never felt like it was serious enough so I never felt right about it.”

“That sucks,” Berry says.

Zimms just shrugs.

“It sucks that we felt like we had to be something we weren’t. Camilla’s great. She even hooked up with my friend Lardo a few times after I told them I didn’t mind. She just doesn’t want a relationship. You don’t have to want that, but’s it’s okay if you do.”

“Okay, but who is going to want to be with me if I’m not that into having sex?” Berry asks as Zimms parks.

“I’d be with Bitty if he didn’t want sex,” Zimms says.

“Because you’re already with him.”

“No,” Zimms says. “And I don’t think he’d say the same thing. If I was sick or hurt and _couldn’t_ have sex, he’d make it work, but if I just didn’t ever want to? I don’t think so. It’s an important part of the relationship to him. And I like it, so it works. But I don’t _need_ it like he does. It’s why it took me so long to figure out we were basically already dating.”

“The chance that I’m going to find someone who doesn’t care if I don’t want to have sex with them isn’t great,” Berry says. He’s literally never met another asexual person and that’s the only way Berry can see it working, no matter what Zimms says. Even if he does meet another asexual person, that person might want to be alone, or they just might not get along.

“It’s not impossible,” Zimms says. “You just have to meet people who are more open to different orientations. My friend Ransom is straight, but he’s got a boyfriend.”

“That sounds more like he’s in denial,” Berry says before he thinks about how rude it sounds.

Zimms just laughs.

“Honestly, we thought that for a long time. But he says that he loves Holster romantically, and he doesn’t mind some physical stuff because it makes Holster happy and that’s enough for him. Their relationship is really hard to understand, but I don’t think Ransom’s in denial. Mostly, he doesn’t bother to explain it to people. He just lets people think that he’s bi.”

“Wait,” Berry says. “I met them, right? At Samwell?”

“Yeah,” Zimms says.

Berry met a lot of people that day, but he does remember Ransom and Holster enough to remember how stupidly in love they’d seemed.

“So I just need to go to summer school at Samwell or something in-between seasons.”

“Maybe just find people to hang out with who aren’t hockey players,” Zimms says. “Though on this team, you never know.”

***

Finding people who aren’t hockey players is going to have to be a project for the off-season. Berry would kind of like to have a life partner to take care of him, but he’s nineteen and, anyway, it’s not like he’s the only single guy on the team. And maybe Zimms said something to Bitty because once Bitty finishes filming for the season, he makes it a habit to invite Berry over for dinner even more often and then send him home with leftovers. Berry might not have a significant other to take care of him, but once Hammer finds out, he whines that Berry isn’t sharing.

“Lucy doesn’t cook for you?” Rusher asks.

“Lucy is only less dangerous in the kitchen than Mills because she doesn’t try to cook,” Hammer says. “And I’m not any better, so I’m not telling her that she needs to learn. We order food.”

“Reaper says you guys can come over for dinner tomorrow,” Mills says. “Ty says he’s in charge of cooking for me during the playoffs since he’s not playing, and she spent years letting the world revolve around us during playoffs. Now, he gets to deal with the world revolving around me.”

Hammer fist bumps Mills, and Berry is back to thinking about how he wants a relationship like Zimms and Bitty or Reaper and Ty. Except, not really like Reaper and Ty. He doesn’t hate sex completely, but there’s no way he can keep up with a sex life like theirs considering how much Mills complains about it.

But playoffs still take almost all of his energy until they’re ordered to take two maintenance days before the last round. Berry wants to argue, but he’s also exhausted. His body has literally never been so worn out in his entire life. And it’s really obvious that everyone is either spending the time with their family or getting laid, so by the second day, Berry’s happy to be heading over to Corey Davis’s house to watch the game that will determine who they’re playing for the Cup.

It’s technically a party, but they have practice the next day, so no one is drinking too much. Plus, all the players with kids or with family in town brought them along. The Zimmermanns are there and Parse’s moms are too. It makes Berry wish that his family could take the extra time off, but they’ll make at least one game and that’s what matters.

Mason shows up after the rest of his family because he had skating practice. Berry didn’t even notice he was missing, but it’s impossible to overlook his arrival. He comes in the door and basically takes a running leap at Parse. Parker comes in after him with his bag and looks around.

“I think Mills and his parents are the backyard,” Berry says when she hesitates at the door.

“Thanks,” Parker says. “I need to give them his stuff, but I shouldn’t really hang around.”

“I thought you guys didn’t get in trouble for that anymore,” Berry says.

“We don’t, but…” Parker shrugs, “This is really a player thing, and I don’t know anyone. Xander and Malik will think they have to follow me around and make sure no one is shitty if I stay.”

Parker looks uncomfortable for the first time since Berry met her. He’s seen her upset because of whatever happened with the parents at the Aces’ events and he’s seen her annoyed when they met at Mason’s competition, but he’s never seen her really be intimidated.

“I can help you find his parents. Or just take his stuff to them for you,” Berry offers.

Parker relaxes. Maybe she doesn’t hate him.

“I should make sure they know I left him with Parse and didn’t just leave him, but yeah, if you could help me find them.”

Berry walks with her to the backyard where they find Ty talking to Krystle and Lucy.

“He ditched me as soon as he saw Kent,” Parker explains as she passes Mason’s things off to Ty.

Ty laughs.

“Yeah, he basically started doing that at birth. We’re lucky Kent loves him so much.”

Berry walks back through the party with her because it just seems polite. Some guy Berry doesn’t recognize whistles at her as they walk past. Parker tenses but doesn’t turn around.

“Dude, you don’t want that,” someone says behind them. “She is not what she looks like.”

Berry starts to turn around. Berry might not be able to kick these guys out of the party but Mills definitely can. Or he can order them to leave and Zimms and Tater can do the actual work of physically kicking them out.

“Just ignore them,” Parker says. “I don’t want a scene.”

Berry nods but he walks her all the way out to her car.

“I’m fine,” Parker says. “I’m used to it.”

“They were still wrong. They should know it’s creepy to whistle at a girl just because she’s hot,” Berry says.

“You think I’m hot?” Parker asks, her forehead wrinkling like she’s confused.

“I’m not hitting on you. It’s just…you know,” Berry groans. “You know what you look like. I was just stating a fact. I really wasn’t hitting on you.”

“Of course, you weren’t,” Parker rolls her eyes.

“I don’t know why you’re mad,” Berry says because he doesn’t know. He’s confused about everything that happened it the last few seconds. “Did you want me to be hitting on you?”

“No. But you didn’t have to deny it. I wasn’t worried. I know none of you guys would ever date me,” Parker says. “I mean, Malik might be open to the idea in general if he wasn’t basically married to Tony, but that’s not the point.”

“We’re not banned from dating people on the crew,” Berry says. “It’s just me. I’m not into—”

“People like me. I get it,” Parker says.

“No. People. I’m not like, into people.”

Parker’s face shifts from annoyed to confused.

“I’m not into sex, I mean,” Berry clarifies before she asks if he’s into animals or something. “I’m ace.”

“Oh,” Parker says. “Mills didn’t tell me that.”

“I didn’t tell Mills that. I haven’t told anyone except Zimms. And now you, I guess.”

“Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you come out by being weird,” Parker sighs and leans against the car.

“It’s okay,” Berry says. “But if you could not tell anyone, that would be great. I don’t want to answer a lot of questions about it until I really figure it out.”

“Yeah, sure. Of course,” Parker says. “Plus, you know they’re all going to make a hundred comments about how you’re an ace Ace, right?”

Berry laughs.

“Yeah, that’s going to stop being funny really quick.”

“Malik will be cool,” Parker says. “Like, you might have to explain it to him, but he’s cool. And so is Tony. And Xander, obviously. You might have to explain it to them, but if they’re weird, I’ll yell at them for you.”

“Thanks. But I guess I need to figure out how to explain it to myself first,” Berry says.

Parker nods like she gets it. Maybe she does. She could be ace for all he knows. Though if she was ace, she probably would’ve said so. And Mills would probably know what it meant from knowing her.

“I should go,” Parker says.

“Yeah, sure,” Berry says as she opens the door to the car. She turns back to look at him before she gets in.

“Do you not know about me?” she asks him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, so I’m going to say I don’t.”

Parker smiles.

“Okay,” she says and gets into the car without explaining.

Berry must make a face because she laughs at him before she starts the car and drives away.

***

Berry knows he could google Parker and find out what she’s talking about. He heard her mention some article to Mills and she seems to think everyone knows about it, so he could probably find that exact article. But something about how she’d looked happy about him not knowing makes him not want to google her.

It’s probably pointless to think about getting involved with her. Berry doesn’t really want to be alone forever, and even though he’s read about how asexual people can have romantic relationships, he’s not even sure that’s what he wants. Maybe he just wants a totally non-romantic long-term best friend so he that doesn’t have to list his mom as his emergency contact for his whole life.

He knows that he should consider why he’s thinking about this so much, but mostly, he hopes that Mills doesn’t ask him about it again, because he’s really not sure what he’d say. He just likes that Parker understood what he was talking about and didn’t ask him a lot of questions about it.

Either way, he doesn’t have time to think about anything except for hockey. It’s his rookie year, and he’s playing for the Stanley Cup.

***

Berry plays on Zimms’ line in the finals for less than two minutes and it’s still the most terrifying and exciting thing he’s ever done.

A few days later, it’s the still the most terrifying thing he’s ever done, but hoisting the Stanley Cup over his head is the most exciting. He’s freaking out and so is everyone else and then Hammer yells at him that his parents are totally going to get married now. Berry turns around and Zimms is kissing Bitty right at center ice.

Yeah. Zimms is going to get married as soon as he can now. Berry will take that bet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. I totally glossed over the actual finals, but we all already read them once in A Place to Go. They went about the same way in Berry's head. They played the hockey and all that.
> 
> The next couple chapters took me forever to get together to send to betas, so they'll probably be delayed. Because they're also really really long. It's been a rough week so I mostly just wrote a bunch of fun stuff because I wanted and some of it is way ahead of this time line so you guys won't see it soon. Oops.


	9. Chapter 9

They celebrate for a week after winning the Stanley Cup and then, slowly, everyone starts talking about going home or on vacation. Mills and Cupid take off for Spain. Zimms and Bitty go to Hawaii and then plan to visit their parents in Georgia and then Montreal. Parse and Tater go to LA. Berry could go on a vacation, but he went to Mexico with some of the guys for bye week, so his family wants him at home. Considering that he’s going to have to tell them that he wants to train with Zimms and Tater in Vegas all summer, he owes them at least a week.

Of course, that doesn’t make anyone happy. For the first couple days, Berry gets to rest and eat his mama’s food. Then she starts complaining about him training in Vegas. So his dad says maybe he has a girl in Vegas that he’s missing. Berry doesn’t lie. But when Angel says that maybe Berry wants to be in Vegas because he finally has time to date and it makes sense to date a girl there, Berry doesn’t argue. It’s just easier. Berry loves his family, but he’s glad to be back in Rusher’s basement a week later.

Maybe Berry should get his own place, but it seems pointless. He has his own floor at Rusher’s house and Rusher isn’t even going to be home all summer, so Berry has the whole house to himself.

Zimms and Bitty aren’t back yet, but Tater is, so he meets up with Tater for training. For the first few days, Berry’s too exhausted from training to care about anything else. His body needed the time off, but at the same time, it seems to have hated the time off. But eventually, he starts to get bored. He’s used to Rusher and Petra in the house and seeing the team every day and Mills bothering him constantly. So when Ozzy texts him, he’s about ready to agree to anything.

 **Ozzy:** I can’t believe you’re living in Rusher’s giant house all by yourself. That’s creepy af.  
**Berry:** I just pretend the top floor doesn’t exist.  
**Ozzy:** Living in just the basement is not less creepy.  
**Berry:** Don’t remind me.  
**Ozzy:** Are you going to be creepy with Mills and hang around prospect camp when we get there?  
**Berry:** I wasn’t, but maybe now that you brought it up. Now I know he did it because he’s bored. I’m so bored.  
**Ozzy:** Get a girlfriend. Or a life.  
**Berry:** So that you have to deal with Parse and Mills by yourself?  
**Ozzy:** I’m used to them, but some of the other guys wanted me to ask you.  
**Berry:** I was going to a come at least once to bug the guys I know, and I was just going to ask if you wanted to hang out when you got here. But I can actually make a point to show up.  
**Ozzy:** I’ve been asked to ask you if Zimmermann will be there.  
**Berry:** It’s weird that I’m the guy you ask these things now and that I’m not in the prospect chat. 😭  
**Ozzy:** 🙄 You don’t get to be sad because you made the roster. Literally no one feels sorry for you.  
**Berry:** Isn’t Chowder in the prospect chat now? I’m surprised he doesn’t know about Zimms.  
**Ozzy:** He said he didn’t know. I think he didn’t want to be the person asking? I don’t know. He said a lot of things and I’m not sure if there was an answer in there.  
**Berry:** Fair. Zimms is still at his parents’ house in Montreal. He’ll be back toward the end of prospect camp but I have no idea if he’s going to go bug you guys. He’s less in everyone’s business than Parse. Which is awesome for me because now Parse mostly leaves me alone. Mills doesn’t though. If you want Mills to leave you alone you have bond with Cupid. Good luck. Cupid’s friends with Zimms, so we hang out some, but not without Zimms. I mean, he’s nice, but he doesn’t like to go out and stuff.

Berry checks with Mills about camp and Mills agrees to give him a ride if he doesn’t mind that they’ll have to swing by Mason’s skating practice on the way home. In Berry’s defense, he’d have said yes either way. He doesn’t have a car. But also, he’s been thinking about Parker.

Not the way Mills would read into it. She was just so normal about him being ace. And so normal when he admitted that he was still figuring it out. It might be nice to have someone besides Zimms to talk to about it. Because even though Zimms has stopped being _Jack Zimmermann_ every time Berry thinks of him, he’s still Zimms and that’s always going to feel like kind of a big deal.

But Berry doesn’t even have Parker’s phone number, and he’s not even sure she likes him. He has no idea how to end up being friends with her. Ozzy is right. Now that he’s out of high school, he only knows how to make friends with other hockey players.

Berry goes to the opening meeting for the prospects because Mills is going, but he mostly hangs back. Berry’s entire goal his rookie year was just to stay on the team. He doesn’t have any words of wisdom.

“Whatever,” Ozzy says when Berry tells him as much. “I’d still rather get your advice. Mills and Parse say all this shit about working hard but everyone knows they were stupidly skilled by the time they were eighteen.”

“My advice is to work your ass off and to decide that you can just have a life later. And if any of the vets offer to stay and help you, don’t leave unless a trainer makes you.”

Ozzy groans, but when Berry tells him that they might stay late at the rink the next day, Ozzy says he’ll stay if the trainers will let him.

***

There are three other kids on the ice when Mills and Berry get to the rink where Mason practices, but they each seem to be working with their own coaches. Reaper’s still doing media for the prospect camp, so they find seats close to where Mason’s working with Parker.

“He’s determined to compete on the senior level by the time he’s fourteen,” Mills says. “Even though he’ll still be too young to compete as a senior internationally.”

“Is that normal?” Berry asks.

“It’s not impossible,” Mill says. “A thirteen-year-old girl won the women’s senior level last year, so he’d really rather be there by the time he’s thirteen.”

“And people think we’re young.”

Watching Mason practice is a lot more interesting than going to his shows, even though Berry still has no idea which jumps are harder than others. When his time is up, Mills follows Mason to the locker room while Berry hangs back.

“Hey,” Parker says as she sits down next to him to take off her skates. “How’s your off-season? Are you going to be ready by the time you get to me?”

Berry must look confused because Parker laughs.

“Alexei said Jack and Kent aren’t allowed to train with the same skating coach in the off-season again. Apparently, they’re annoying. So, when Jack gets back, I’m training you if you’re training with them. Well, I thought that’s what Jack said. I guess he said you’d probably come too. I assumed he’d talked to you about it.”

“I knew they trained with a figure skater and Zimms mentioned something about it,” Berry says. “I didn’t know it was going to be you. He kind of mentioned it, assumed I’d go, and then left the country.”

“Scared?” Parker asks.

“Maybe a little,” Berry admits.

Parker laughs and gets up.

“I’m not allowed to hurt you,” she says. “Well, not long term.”

***

Berry hangs around prospect camp a little, but no matter what Ozzy says, he doesn’t feel like he has as much to offer the guys as Mills does. Honestly, he just feels weird about it, so he stops when Zimms gets back. They go to train with Parker for the first time. Berry really thought he knew how to skate. He’s had skating coaches before. He made it to the NHL. He won the Stanley Cup. As far as Parker is concerned, none of them know how to skate. She says Tater’s the best, which makes sense because his mother was an Olympic figure skater.

It also means that he now has Parker’s phone number. For professional reasons. Because he’s enough of an adult that he should have Parker’s information, and she should have his just in case she needs it. Berry’s not sure if that makes it okay to text her for personal reasons, but one text isn’t a big deal and he’ll stop if she seems bothered.

 **Berry:** Hey. I just wanted to say thanks for not being weird about the ace thing when I told you. And not telling anyone. I’m still figuring it out. Mills is going to have so many questions that I don’t want to answer yet.  
**Parker:** I’m sorry I accidently made you tell me before you were ready. I’d never tell anyone for you unless you wanted me to.  
**Parker:** I think you’re underestimating Mills though. He knows how to google.  
**Berry:** You didn’t make me. It’s nice to have someone who knows besides Zimms.  
**Berry:** Maybe I’m underestimating Mills. But not Hammer. He’s going to have so many questions even after Mills tries to tell him to shut up.  
**Parker:** Ok. True. 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣  
**Parker:** He tries so hard not to be weird. Though he’s actually awesome with me, so maybe we aren’t giving him enough credit.  
**Berry:** My point exactly. And I know Mills will make him shut up, but I’d rather just have answers for him so he’s not confused. Then he’ll ask Mills behind my back. And then Mills will try to figure stuff out…  
**Parker:** Yeah. I see your point.  
**Parker:** So did you eventually ask Mills about me or google me?  
**Berry:** No. I mean, you’ve hinted. I know you’re not like a basic straight person, but whatever you came out as, I’d rather let you tell me when you want. I’m kind of trying to not accidentally figure it out before you tell me.  
**Parker:** Are you going to be mad if I don’t tell you after you came out to me?  
**Berry:** No.  
**Parker:** It’s not you. It’s just. I did this whole article in Player’s Tribune. And I decided I wanted to make a big deal about it after I got on the ice crew and I knew the Aces were the team that would let me. And then it became this big thing.  
**Parker:** You don’t know and so you don’t treat me differently. It’s nice. The only other person who never says something weird is Mason. And he’s a kid.  
**Berry:** That makes sense. You don’t have to tell me. If I find out, I’m going to treat you just the same though.  
**Parker:** If someone slips and tells you, just don’t lie to me about it, okay? It’s nice that you don’t know. But it’s not that big of a deal.

***

Zimms and Bitty go out of town again a few weeks later and then Tater takes a day off for his anniversary. Berry goes to the gym and then the rink without them because he doesn’t have anything better to do. He’s just finished up with Parker when the queer-friendly group chat goes crazy because Reaper posts an adorable picture of Mills and Cupid for everyone to chirp them about. Apparently, their dating anniversary is the same as Parse and Tater’s wedding anniversary.

“It’s kind of cute that they don’t even care how much they get teased,” Parker says after Berry shows her the picture and Mills says he loves the picture and he’s saving it forever.

“Supposedly they unofficially agreed they’re going to marry each other just a few months after they got together,” Berry says.

“That doesn’t surprise me at all,” Parker says, laughing as they unlace their skates.

Berry nods but doesn’t answer. He’s happy for them, and he knows they don’t have it easy. But they make it seem easy.

“You ok?” Parker asks after a he doesn’t get up right away to go shower.

“Yeah. It’s just weird sometimes. I never wanted to date that much, but I always thought I’d do the whole marriage and kids thing,” Berry admits.

“You still can,” Parker says. “Just maybe in a different way than most people.”

“That’s what Zimms says,” Berry tells her. “But come on. Who is going to want to be with someone who doesn’t really want to have sex? And I’ve read all the stuff about how some ace people are aromantic and some have romantic relationships, but I don’t even know which one I am. I just know I don’t want to be faking that I want to have sex all the time.”

“Do you want me to just listen or do you want feedback?” Parker says after a few moments of silence.

“Do you have feedback?” Berry asks.

“Feedback is probably the wrong word. Maybe more like things to think about.”

“I feel like I already have so much to think about,” Berry says. “But sure. I don’t mind.”

“You don’t have to answer this for me, obviously, but have you thought about the in-between stuff? Like, you don’t want to have sex, and you know that. But what about non-sexual affectionate stuff? Like cuddling. Or even some kissing. Because I don’t think everyone’s quick goodbye kisses are always sexual. That’s like just a way to greet or say goodbye to your partner differently than just friends but it’s not sexual, you know? What about that stuff?”

“I don’t hate it. Like it doesn’t freak me out. I didn’t hate it when I had a girlfriend, but I don’t think it was special to me like it was to her,” Berry says.

“Okay. But maybe you shouldn’t base everyone on one girl you dated. I’m not saying you have to know the answer. I’m just saying. It’s something to think about.”

Berry laughs.

“I think I’m just more confused now,” he says.

“Sorry,” Parker says even as she laughs with him. “I wasn’t trying to make it worse. I was just trying to say that people have different needs. Like I’m not asexual, but for me, personally, the deal-breaker wouldn’t be sex. I don’t think I could be in a relationship with zero physical affection though. Not that I’m saying you should date me. Okay, now this is awkward. I was just trying to get you to see the grey areas.”

“It’s okay. I get what you’re saying.” Berry thinks it’s probably good that he’s ace. He probably wouldn’t be able to talk to Parker at all without being stupid if he wasn’t. He doesn’t need sexual attraction to know she’s way out of his league.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my life is insane right now but I did manage to finish the first draft of this today. So now it's all about editing. The timing on that is actually really good because I have some Gimme More posts that I can post and then we do have another fic coming. I'm only a couple chapters into that and I will definitely have to post some filler extras for it to make sense. It'll be a time jump. ;)


	10. Chapter 10

When Zimms asks if Berry wants to do the hockey clinic that they’re running for local LGBTQ center, Berry says yes without thinking. Parse and Tater end up being there along with Mills, Matty, Jeff, Reaper, Parker and two other ice crew members. There’s a mix of kids and adults and even though it’s an event with the center, there’s nothing particularly queer about it. Mason is there helping Parker with the kids who can’t skate. Berry ends up working with them because there’s more kids who can’t skate at all than kids who actually want to work on hockey. And with Parse, Zimms and Mills there, Berry doesn’t have kids fighting to meet him. 

Every single kid says that Parse is their favorite player except for one little boy who says he doesn’t care about hockey at all. He heard Parker was going to be there and he came just to meet her.

“Maybe by the time I’m old enough, I’ll be allowed to go to the Olympics,” he says. He’s only six, and he’s not as good as Mason, but he skates better than the other young kids. Berry knows he could ask, but then he’d probably find out more about Parker than she’s ready to tell him and that doesn’t seem right. So he just promises the kid that he’ll make sure Parker doesn’t accidentally skip working with him.

“Are you coming to Zimms’ house with us?” Berry asks when they’re getting ready to leave. Bitty offered to cook them all dinner and none of the guys are going to turn that down.

“Amber and Rob aren’t going. This is generally where we ditch you guys,” Parker says.

“Oh. Right.” Berry tries not to read into being disappointed. He’s allowed to be excited about having a friend who isn’t a hockey player. The last thing he needs is Mills finding out and getting nosy about it.

***

Mills doesn’t find out about his friendship with Parker. He does find out that Berry doesn’t have a driver’s license.

“Lots of the guys don’t have cars when they’re rookies. But how do you not know how to drive?” Mills asks.

“I didn’t need to. We have multiple kinds of trains in San Francisco. Lots of people don’t drive.”

“Okay, but how are you ever going to date when you can’t drive? Are you going to pick up all your dates in an uber?”

“You uber with Cupid all the time,” Berry says.

“If we’re drinking,” Mills says.

“Maybe I care about the environment. I need to not have a car to make up for your three cars.”

“Four,” Matty says while rolling his eyes.

“He has to pay for storage because I’m not letting him take up any more parking space at the house,” Reaper says. “He’s lucky Cupid has two parking spaces and only uses one.”

Berry gets left alone then because the guys are more into chirping Mills for being extra than chirping Berry for not driving.

“Let me know if you want to learn to drive,” Zimms says later when the guys aren’t paying attention.

“Okay,” Berry says. The nice thing about Zimms is that he knows there’s nothing attached to the offer. If Berry isn’t interested, then Zimms won’t care. If he is, then Zimms will teach him.

***

**Berry:** Why is summer so boring?  
 **Parker:** Speak for yourself. I have twice as many kids to teach, skating clinics for the Little Aces, one summer school class, and these three dorky NHL players to train.  
 **Berry:** That’s a lot.  
 **Parker:** And I have to re-tryout for ice crew next week. I mean, I’m not really worried about that, but still.  
 **Berry:** You have to re-tryout every year?  
 **Parker:** Yeah, but they keep most of the returning people if they don’t have a reason not to.  
 **Parker:** If you’re bored, you can basically always help with the Little Aces skating clinics. They get super excited when you guys randomly show up. But it’s all volunteer stuff in the off-season. You don’t get credit for it or whatever it is they keep track of to make you guys do that stuff sometimes.

***

Berry thinks about it for a week before deciding that it would be nice to have a car. Not everyone he wants to hang out with has a car. Okay, only Parker doesn’t have a car. Reaper loans her one if she has to drive Mason somewhere because he and Ty can’t, but she doesn’t have her own. She does a lot of car-pooling and transiting when she has to leave campus. The point is that he’d like to be able to come help out with the Little Aces without having to recruit someone to drive him.

Plus, it’s just a life-skill that Berry should have. So, he studies for the test in his free time and gets a permit. That part isn’t too hard because he knows the basic rules just from riding in cars.

Zimms teaches him in Bitty’s car because it’s smaller and Berry doesn’t think he’ll want an SUV anyway. It’s basically the same as learning hockey from him except that Berry’s not already passably good at it. After a week in parking lots, Zimms picks him up and makes him trade places so he can drive them both to practice.

“You already drive better than Tater,” Zimms says once they’re inside.

“I drive just fine,” Tater says.

“Really?” Zimms says. “Then why did Kenny make me drive him home when he was sick?”

“Kent just being dramatic,” Tater says.

**Zimms:** Berry already drives better than Tater.  
 **Zimms:** Kenny: Tater says you’re just being dramatic about his driving.  
 **Parse:** The state of his car from all the curbs he hits says otherwise. 🤷♂️  
 **Matty:** Normally I’d side with Parse being dramatic, but in this case…  
 **Rusher:** Tater drive just fine.  
 **Reaper:** Yeah. That means a lot from you.  
 **Mills:** Does this mean we get to go car shopping?? 🚗 😁  
 **Matty:** No way. Mills is not taking him. Mills will come home with another car of his own. Zimms can take him.  
 **Berry:** I still have to pass the road test. 😓  
 **Parse:** If Tater passed, you’ll be fine. He probably flirted with the person giving the test. 😹 😹 😹  
 **Hammer:** And all my friends are always asking, “So do Parse and Tater act all mushy all the time? It must ruin the team dynamic without them chirping each other.” 🤣 🤣  
 **Parse:** Does it count as chirping if I’m just saying things that are true? 😽  
 **Tater:** You let me drive your car once.  
 **Parse:** That was before we were married. I was still trying to make sure you liked me.  
 **Parse:** (Also…that was Swoops’ car.)  
 **Swoops:** WAIT. YOU DID WHAT?  
 **Parse:** I was joking. It was my car. I swear.  
 **Parse:** Promise.  
 **Reaper:** He’s texting your moms right now. 🤣 🤣  
 **Parse:** OMG, if he’d hurt it, I would’ve bought you a new car!

***

**Berry:** I passed my driving test!  
 **Parker:** Be honest. Did you do this just to get away from Mills and his prying?  
 **Berry:** No. Mostly because I was bored because I couldn’t go anywhere without getting a ride.  
 **Parker:** Fair. That’s why I only work places where it’s worth the trouble and try to do stuff on campus.  
 **Berry:** Zimms is going with me to go shopping for a car tomorrow.  
 **Parker:** Surprised Mills didn’t make you let him do it.  
 **Berry:** He tried. Everyone on the team chat said no. 🤣 🤣

Berry ends up with a car that Mills says is boring, but everyone else thinks is fine. And his mom doesn’t lecture him about not getting something practical, so Berry ignores Mills. Hammer says Berry has a car that says “marry me” and Mills has three cars that say he’s a player and one that says he already has five kids. Everyone agrees even though Mills is about as far from a player as a person can get. Reaper says he can’t buy a mid-life crisis car for himself because Mills already has two.

***

In August after Matty’s wedding, everyone starts taking vacations again. It’s mostly the guys with kids who want to get in a bit more time before their kids go back to school, but Zimms and Bitty go to Samwell for Zimms’ Cup day and Parse and Tater go with them. Mills goes with his family to Disneyworld, and Berry doesn’t want to go out with Hammer. But he has a car now, so he decides to show up at one of the Little Aces events. Parker is there as a skating coach instead of as ice crew. Maybe that’s why she has fewer issues with parents. She blends in with all of the other coaches more than when she’s in a crew uniform. Since Berry is volunteering his time, they tell him that he can help wherever he wants. The kids still learning to skate are adorable, so he goes there.

He spends the next two hours picking kids up off the ice and trying to get them to skate with both feet.

“You do listen to me,” Parker says after she catches him giving one of the older kids a tip that he got from her.

“You know we all do.”

“I know. I’m just joking,” Parker says with a grin.

Eventually, the parents show up and Berry signs pucks for the kids. It’s still weird to be the one signing things, but he knows how excited he was for all of these things when he was a kid, so he signs everything he’s asked to sign.

“Do you need a ride?” he asks Parker after they finish.

“I was going to skate for a bit before they kick me out,” Parker says. “I can take the bus.”

“How do you still want to skate?” Berry’s dying already.

“I don’t always get ice this open to do what I want,” Parker says.

“Can I watch?” Berry asks. “It’s okay if you don’t want me to, obviously.”

Parker shrugs.

“I’m not as good as I used to be. I stopped for a while because I thought it would be better to just stop if I couldn’t compete anyway.”

“But you missed it?” Mills guesses.

“Yeah,” Parker laughs and shakes her head. “But that’s not why I started again. It’s kind of stupid actually.”

Berry shrugs and tries not to look judgmental. He doesn’t want to make her tell him, but he misses having friends outside of hockey like he did when he was in high school, so if she wants to talk about it, he wants to let her.

“So, I always wanted to be a cheerleader, but I never could be. It was half a popularity contest and…it just wasn’t going to work out. But then the Aces had that article come out about the crew, and they were clearly trying to save face and make changes. We’re cheerleaders where half of us skate. I figured if I had a good enough audition, then they wouldn’t want to look bad not letting me in. And then Xander found out who I was and asked if I’d help coach Mason. Which meant his skating club ended up hiring me because they like to make the Grimms happy. And suddenly, I was just skating again. Basically all because I decided to try to live my teenage dream of being a cheerleader. It’s kind of a dumb thing to want, I know.”

“I don’t see how wanting to be a cheerleader is different from wanting to be a hockey player,” Berry says. He’s seen cheerleaders do some crazy stuff.

Parker smiles and shrugs.

“You can watch if you want. They’ll want to clean the ice in about half an hour.”

Parker puts on wireless headphones instead of using the big system so Berry can’t hear the music, but it feels like he can. He realizes that he’s never seen Parker really skate before. When she’s coaching Mason, she does some of the jumps and spins, but it’s always starting and stopping and then talking Mason through it. When she’s coaching them on skating, it’s never the fancy stuff.

“That was amazing,” Berry tells her when she comes over to say she’s finished.

“You don’t even know what things are,” Parker says.

“Yeah, but, you know, it’s clear that you can make people feel something. That’s what matters, right?”

“These days, not really, but it would be nice if it did,” Parker says. “It makes me feel something. I guess that’s why I started doing my own training again. It makes me happy, even if I can’t win anything. That, and I have to make sure I can keep up with Mason. I like him and they also pay really well. All his extra summer coaching is going to mean I can actually afford to go to school full time in the fall because I won’t need to take more work than I want to.”

***

Berry goes back to the skating clinic a couple days later. It’s not to see Parker. It’s because he’s bored. He can only train so many hours a day and he doesn’t want to just sit at home after he finishes. Plus, it’s easier to stay at the rink since it’s a day he was skating with Parker. And then they get talking about this movie that they both want to see, so it just makes sense for them to grab food and go see it. It’s nice to not think about hockey for a few hours.

***

**Parker:** Can I ask you something?  
 **Berry:** Sure.  
 **Parker:** So you don’t know what’s different about me and we agreed it’s fine. But we’ve been hanging out a lot and if people find out we’re hanging out, then they might think we’re dating. And you might get shit for that. It doesn’t seem fair. I don’t know. Maybe we should make it really obvious we’re not dating. I don’t actually even hang out with Mills just to hang out. We only hang out when it happens because I work for his parents.  
 **Berry:** Are you asking if I care what people say?  
 **Parker:** Yeah. I guess.  
 **Berry:** I don’t.  
 **Parker:** You don’t know what you’re agreeing to.  
 **Berry:** It doesn’t matter. I mean, we’re not dating anyway, but I have the same issue with Zimms. He has gay rumors, so people ask about me. I don’t care. I’m not going to not hang out with him because I’m afraid people will think I’m gay. It’s stupid.  
 **Parker:** If you’re sure.  
 **Berry:** I’m sure. It’s fine. I like having a friend who isn’t a hockey player.

***

The first day of training camp, Berry thinks about how he’s going to be too busy to hang out with Parker for a while, and he’s surprised how disappointed he is about that. He should be excited to start camp again. And he is. Ozzy has a good chance of making the team. Chowder will likely go back down to the minors, but it’s still fun to have him around for a while. The first few days, they even eat dinner as a team, but by mid-afternoon on the fourth day, they’re all happy to get a break from each other.

**Berry:** Rusher and Petra are having some kind of romantic evening. Want to hang out? If not, I’m going to the movies by myself to hide.  
 **Parker:** lol. I need to finish unpacking my new dorm room, but you can come over and we can watch a movie while I unpack.  
 **Berry:** I’m bringing food for myself. What do you want?

Parker has her own bedroom and small living room that connects with a bathroom that she shares with another girl. She has a sink in her room but no kitchen. But the bathroom doesn’t have its own sink.

“This is actually really good for a dorm,” Parker says.

“I’m not judging. It’s just kind of a weird set up,” Berry says. “But it already looks better than my place.”

“Don’t you have a huge basement suite or something?” Parker asks.

“Yeah, but I don’t have all these decorations and stuff.”

“Oh my gosh, you have a weird guy apartment with just a bed on a metal frame and a giant TV, don’t you?”

“Maybe,” Berry admits. There’s also video game options, but he’s sure that’s not what she means.

Parker laughs as she helps him move her tiny end table so they can eat.

“How’s training camp?”

“Just as hard as last year. Except I’m probably going to make the team. If I really screw up, I might not, but it’s not as scary as last year,” Berry says. “I really want Ozzy to make it this year. They didn’t even call him up for playoffs last year, but he’s working really hard.”

Parker nods.

“Tell me about your classes or something. I need one hour without hockey.”

Parker says they’re probably boring. She’s a semester behind, so she’s not quite a junior. But she says that’s not bad because UNLV doesn’t have a full hockey program yet. If they don’t have one by the time she’s higher up in her major, she’ll either have to figure out how to fill her training requirements with another sport or ask for permission to count her work with the Little Aces.

“It’s kind of weird. I thought I was going to give up everything with skating. I was an education major. Now I’m majoring in athletic training. I would’ve laughed a few years ago if someone would’ve told me I’d network my way into training NHL players because I decided I wanted to be a cheerleader.”

“You’re good at it though. I told you how much better my skating tests were this year,” Berry points out. “And Bad Bob even thought so when he watched.”

“If I’d known who he was when he was watching, I would’ve died.”

“That’s probably why Zimms didn’t tell you.” Zimms also didn’t tell Berry that his Dad was sneaking in to watch, so Berry almost fell over when he saw Bob on the side of the rink. Tater still hasn’t stopped chirping him about it.

“Peter’s talked about recommending me to the Aces management,” Parker says. “It would be cool. I like working with you guys, but I think he’s being overly optimistic about no one caring.”

Berry shrugs because he still doesn’t know exactly what she’s talking about, so he can’t argue.

After they eat, Parker makes him help her put together shelves that are way more complicated than they should be. Still, it’s fun. Berry’s almost sad that he decided to skip college.

***

Berry makes the team again. Ozzy also makes the team and he talks Berry into moving out of Rusher’s basement and getting an apartment with him. Ozzy’s fun and Berry feels bad that he’d be taking up the best spot with a vet and leaving Ozzy alone, so he agrees. Parse also strongly hints that he’d prefer for Ozzy to turn down Hammer’s invitation to live with him. Berry’s not really a vet, but apparently, everyone agrees that he’s more responsible than Hammer.

They pick an apartment in Cupid’s building because it’s near the practice facility and Judy also lives there. Apparently, Swoops and Parse lived in the same building years ago. They clearly know how to sell to hockey players. Or Parse wants the younger players living near players he knows are responsible, so he pushes them in the same direction.

**Parker:** So now you have an apartment with a couch, a giant TV, and video game systems and nothing else?  
 **Berry:** Yes?  
 **Parker:** Men. 🤦♀️  
 **Berry:** I don’t know what else we’re supposed to do. Get posters?  
 **Parker:** Are you guys 16 still?  
 **Berry:** Do you want to come tell me how to decorate on Sunday?  
 **Parker:** Ozzy might not like that.  
 **Berry:** Ozzy says it will make his mom happier when she visits and impress girls that he picks up. (Well he said that we pick up, but whatever.)  
 **Parker:** Okay then. But I’m only ordering you around. You guys have to do all the work.

Before Parker can come over to make their apartment look better, they have Parse’s giant beginning of the season pool party/barbeque. It’s so huge that Parse hired caterers and two people to maintain the bathrooms and keep the kids from going upstairs. And apparently, there’s a pony for the kids to ride.

“The pony is Tater’s fault,” Parse says when Zimms gives him a look.

Berry’s glad that Ozzy’s there because there are so many family members that it would be obvious if Berry hid behind Zimms all night. He did that last year, but last year, Bob and Alicia weren’t there and Zimms was more than happy to hide with him.

“How do you get used to Bad Bob?” Ozzy asks. “It’s _Bad Bob_.”

“You learn to fake it,” Berry says.

“Why didn’t you invite that girl you’re dating?” Ozzy asks.

“I’m not dating anyone.”

“You’re not dating the girl coming to decorate our apartment?”

“When did I say I was dating Parker?” Berry asks.

“You said I’d be the one picking up girls to bring home. I assumed you meant because of her.”

“We’re just friends. I just meant that I don’t really like to pick up random girls a lot. I don’t care if you do though.”

“You’re just friends?” Ozzy asks.

“I can be friends with a girl.”

“You text her a lot.”

“We text less than the group chat,” Berry says.

“Okay. Sorry. I believe you,” Ozzy says with a shrug. “Is Mills really allowed to ride the pony?”

***

Parker takes them shopping and makes them get shelves so that their video games aren’t stacked in piles on the floor. She also shows them how to mount their TV and makes them buy a kitchen table, a coffee table and end tables. She finds these weird box picture frames to put important pucks in and tries to talk Berry into framing his Falconers jersey that Zimms autographed instead of hiding it in the closet. She definitely does the last thing just so she can make fun of him. Berry buys them all dinner because he has to admit the apartment looks a lot better when they’re finished.

“Okay,” Ozzy says when Berry gets back from driving Parker home. “Why aren’t you dating her? She likes you and she’s hot.”

“We’re just friends,” Berry says again.

“You went to see her twice during training camp and bought her dinner both times. You text her all the time. You bought her dinner and drove her home today. You know how I know you text her all the time? Because you have a specific face when you’re texting her. How has no one told you this? You’re basically dating her without the sex. You might as well make that shit official. You’re probably driving her crazy.”

“You’re crazy,” Berry says and goes to his room. It’s weak but he doesn’t want to explain to Ozzy why it’s crazy. And he’s wrong about Parker being interested. She’s literally said she wasn’t into him. Months ago.

**Berry:** Ozzy’s making me crazy. Because he’s crazy. I think he’s being crazy.

Berry adds, _but apparently he thinks you’re hot so maybe he should date you_. But before he hits send, he realizes that he really doesn’t want Parker to date Ozzy. He’s maybe gotten used to not sharing her. That’s all.

**Parker:** How is he crazy?  
 **Berry:** He thinks you like me and I’m driving you crazy because we’re not dating. But he doesn’t know I’m ace. All the guys see a hot girl and think like that.

Parker spends a lot of time typing. Or at least that’s what the constantly appearing and disappearing dots say.

**Parker:** It’s not a big deal. I like being friends with you.  
 **Berry:** What does that mean?  
 **Parker:** It means that I do like you, but you shouldn’t feel bad about not being interested. I knew that. We couldn’t date even if you were interested anyway. Just don’t apologize and don’t make it weird.  
 **Berry:** Okay. I don’t really know what to say.  
 **Parker:** Nothing. Just be normal and forget about it.

Berry tries to forget about it. But he likes hanging out with Parker a lot. And he thinks about how he didn’t want to tell her to date Ozzy instead. Eventually, he gets out of bed just to take Nyquil so he can fall asleep.

***

**Berry:** Are you busy after practice?  
 **Zimms:** Not really.  
 **Berry:** I need to talk about something.  
 **Zimms:** Hockey or not hockey?  
 **Berry:** Not hockey.  
 **Zimms:** So not at the rink. Just come over after practice.

“So I think maybe there’s a girl,” Berry says as soon as he sits down at Zimms’ breakfast bar. “Maybe. I mean, I know the girl exists. And I even know she’s interested in me. And she knows I’m ace, so maybe she really doesn’t care about that. But how do I know if I don’t like her as just a friend?”

“I’m probably the worst person to ask about this,” Zimms says. “I was basically going on dates with Bitty before I realized it. Or trying to without realizing it.”

“You’re the only other person who knows I’m ace.”

“It’s just hard to describe. I mean, some people don’t even care if their significant others date other people, so that’s not a good indicator.”

“Okay, but I kind of already realized I don’t want her to start dating someone else.”

Zimms laughs.

“Well, then maybe it is,” Zimms says. “You should probably talk to her. She knows you’re ace so talk about what your boundaries are and see if she’s okay with them.”

“But she also said we can’t date anyway.”

“We’re talking about Parker, right?”

“Okay, yeah,” Berry mumbles as he rests his head on the table.

“She mentioned that you don’t know…something about her,” Zimms says. “Because she didn’t want me to accidentally tell you.”

“I know there’s a thing. I don’t know what it is,” Berry says.

“You should talk to her. She probably thinks it might make you change your mind.”

“Do you think it will make me change my mind?”

Zimms takes a moment to think about it.

“No. But most people do know about it. If you’re publicly dating her, people might have things to say about it. That might not be something you want to deal with yet. So you should talk to her.”

**Berry:** Can I come over?  
 **Parker:** Are you going to be weird?  
 **Berry:** Probably.  
 **Parker:** Jaime Ribera. I told you to just drop it.  
 **Berry:** But I don’t think I want to just drop it. I want to talk about it.  
 **Parker:** Okay. Come over.

“No sudden impulsive kisses or anything,” Parker says before she lets him in the door.

“I wasn’t going to,” Berry says.

“I didn’t really think you would, but I have no idea why you want to talk about it, so I wanted to say it.”

“Okay.”

Berry comes in and sits on her loveseat.

“So Ozzy said you were hot and I was going to say that maybe you should date him, but then I realized I really don’t want you to date someone else. So I think that probably means that I want to date you.”

“You _think_?” Parker sits on the chair instead of right next to him.

“It’s hard to tell. I still don’t want to have sex, and I feel like that’s how people always describe things. But I think I like you in a different way than anyone else. I liked Jessica a lot, but it was still not like this. No one ever said I made faces when I texted her. My brother Angel specifically said he couldn’t tell when I was texting her or my other friends. But I understand if you don’t want to deal with all my…confusion.”

“It’s not that. I told you a long time ago that the ace thing wasn’t really an issue for me. Unless you’re like really opposed to all physical affection. Like we could probably figure that out if things were different. If I was different.”

“I don’t want you to be different. I want you to be you,” Berry says.

Parker looks down at her hands.

“Okay, but I don’t want to be a secret. If you want to come out and then people kind of know we don’t have sex, that’s fine. I’m not going to tell you not to come out. But I don’t think I’d like it if you were coming out just to prove we weren’t having sex either.”

“Why would I want to prove we weren’t having sex?”

“Because I’m trans,” Parker says without looking up. “That’s the thing. The thing you don’t know about me that other people do. I was assigned male at birth and I always knew it was wrong. I was miserable. My parents knew, but they wanted me to wait until I was older because they were afraid it was a phase. Plus, I’d have to quit figure skating if I took any kind of hormones. But by the time I was sixteen, I was so depressed. We decided that it wasn’t worth it and started the process. And everyone else knows because I’m really out. I was just enjoying that you didn’t know because everyone always kind of treats me differently. Even if it’s just the way Malik and Kent are overprotective because they know people are awful. Or the way Jack feels bad because I had to pick between transitioning and my sport.”

“Hey,” Berry says as he gets up and sits on the floor in front of her. “I won’t treat you differently. I know basically nothing about it except the basics so I might have to learn, but I won’t treat you differently.”

“But you can’t just date me. People will talk.”

“Why? You’re a girl. They’re not even going to call me gay. I actually don’t think I’d care if you weren’t a girl and you were still you, but that’s not the point.”

“I’ve avoided a lot of the questions about if I’ve had surgery because I hate being asked that. They’re going to ask you.”

“Well, you can tell me exactly what you want me to say. And you don’t even have to tell me the answer,” Berry pauses to think about it. “because yeah, I really don’t care. I think I’m equally disinterested in sex either way. Sorry. But yeah. Though I’m hoping you’re not settling for me because you think other guys are too dumb to date you and want to have sex with you. You’re wrong about that.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. Hammer used to hook up with a trans girl. I heard someone say something to him once and he yelled at that guy. And then, even though he’s with Lucy now, he went and reported the guy to HR so Stix would have to do sensitivity training just to be petty. For the record, he also refused to answer what Stix asked about her body, so I have no idea.”

Parker laughs.

“Hammer? Reese Hamilton, seriously? He seems so…not the guy I’d guess. I guess I’ve never really talked to him that much. That explains why he’s not weird with me.”

“He’s pretty open to being educated is how Lucy puts it.”

“Okay, but that definitely wasn’t public. I did a Player’s Tribune article about being a trans ice girl. People might actually ask unless you never want to take me to things. And that’s, I’d understand that, but I’m not okay with that.”

“I think it’s shitty you’d understand that,” Berry says.

“You really didn’t know?”

“I really tried not to know. I wanted to find out from you.”

“Okay, this is normally where I think I’d kiss you, but I guess I’ll just say we should talk about how you feel about things like that.”

“I mean, I don’t mind kissing.”

“Okay, but how about we just hug for now?” Parker asks as she stands up. It’s obviously to give him an out, but he takes it anyway. They’ve hugged before, but it does feel a little more special now.

“You have the worst timing,” Parker says with her head still on his shoulder. “It’s getting late. I have class tomorrow. You have to skate in the morning, and you have a game tomorrow.”

“And we’re flying to Minnesota right after the game,” Berry adds. He really does have the worst timing.

“So we should table this until you get back to Vegas,” Parker says.

“Table as in nothing’s changed at all or just like we don’t have time to talk about the details of how this works right now but we’re not going on dates with other people in the meantime?” Berry can’t help asking.

Parker laughs.

“Why do you suddenly think I have all these other people to date?”

“Because I just realized I cared?”

Parker pulls back from their embrace just so he can see her roll her eyes.

“You’re ridiculous, but since I don’t want you doing some non-sexual version of hooking up on this road trip, definitely the second thing. We don’t have time to work out the details of how this is going to work, but we are totally not dating other people.”

“Awesome. Is it okay if I tell Zimms and Ozzy? I think I kind of want to come out to Ozzy anyway if we’re going to be roommates.”

“Does that mean we’re not telling other people in general?” Parker asks. She pulls back all the way and frowns.

“I’m not going to hide you. I promise,” Berry says. “That’s not why I want to wait until we figure stuff out more.”

“Then why?”

“It’s just. What if we don’t really figure stuff out? What if we start figuring out what I’m comfortable with and it’s not enough for you? Then I’m going to have to tell everyone why it didn’t work because I wouldn’t want them to think it’s your fault.”

Parker’s expression softens.

“Okay, first, if that happens, that doesn’t make it your fault. But okay. We can wait.”

Parker pulls her phone off the table and opens up the Aces schedule in the NHL app.

“But after you get back, you’re home for over two weeks. That’s enough time to have a better idea. If something happens and we think we need more time, then we at least talk about it.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. I promise,” Berry says.

“And can I tell a couple of my college friends?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“So, it’s late. Jack is going to kill me if you tell him that you’re tired because you stayed late. You should go.”

Berry nods. He gives her another quick hug and turns to leave, but he stops with his hand on the doorknob and turns back around.

“What if I _want_ to kiss you?”

“Do you?” Parker asks.

“It’s like what you said. How kisses aren’t always sexual. Because I like you and we’re doing this, I want to kiss you goodbye. I don’t want to have some crazy make out and kiss forever like Mills and Cupid do when they’re going to be separated for a couple days, but I don’t want to act like nothing’s changed either.”

“Then you can kiss me. Because you want to.”

Berry smiles and moves toward her. It’s not as smooth as he’d like it to be. He hasn’t kissed anyone in over a year so it’s an awkward approach, but it’s sweet and it feels special and more than anything, it feels right in a way that he never expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First notes on this chapter specifically and then some general notes at the bottom. I honestly didn't decide if what their relationship was going to be like until I wrote it. It was just as likely that they'd be best friends who were sort of platonic life partners. Or just friends that made Berry realize he was aromantic in general. Parker wasn't even really intentionally trans. She was just Mason's skating coach and then she just kind of ended up trans. I don't know. Some characters decide their own shit. Some do exactly what I tell them. Some characters have to constantly be reminded that they need to have a life outside of hockey.
> 
> I have a chapter count! I'm sending chapter 13 out to the betas after I post this. Hopefully, but then I will have a better idea of what I'm doing with everything else. I'm kind of stuck on the what I'm doing for the next piece. It's clearly wanting to be much shorter than I thought it was going to be. Also, there are all kinds of Gimme More pieces that I've been waiting to post until this is over just because I might as well keep things in some kind of timeline order.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra warning at the end if you want to be a tiny bit spoiled for possible triggers. I think it's minor, but I'm not trans so I wanted to give a warning.

Ozzy is still up when Berry gets home. He pauses the game he’s playing and gives Berry a look.

“So maybe you were right about Parker,” Berry says. He can’t help smiling.

“I knew it!” Ozzy picks up his phone immediately, but Berry stops him before he can text the Aces group chat.

“We’re waiting until we actually have time to date a bit after the roadie before we tell people.”

“Why? You already know her.”

“Because it’s complicated,” Berry sits. “I’m going to explain it to you and it’s probably going to sound weird.”

“Okay,” Ozzy says. He visibly shifts to a purposely calm expression. He’s probably replaying the Aces diversity training in his head and getting ready to voice his support for whatever Berry’s going to say. Of course, that training never mentioned asexuality.

“So I’m ace, which is short for asexual,” Berry says. Ozzy looks confused, so Berry continues. “It means I’m not really into having sex. With anyone. So I’ve been trying to figure all this out and I didn’t figure out that I liked Parker in a different way than my other friends until you told me how obvious it was. Parker gets it and she’s open to figuring out if our relationship can work without us having sex but still doing some stuff. We haven’t had a chance to really work out if what I’m wanting to do is enough for her. So, yeah. We don’t want to tell everyone and then have it not work and then I’ll have to explain that we like each other but I don’t want sex enough for her.”

“Say something,” Berry says after he stops and Ozzy just stares at him. This is definitely not going as easily as when he came out to Zimms or to Parker. Though he didn’t really come out to Zimms. Berry had talked and then Zimms had told him that being ace was a thing.

“That was a lot. I’m just trying to understand, but it’s not like an issue for our friendship or anything,” Ozzy says.

“Okay.”

“I have no idea how to ask questions to that aren’t offensive. We didn’t cover this,” Ozzy says. “And I want to understand, but I want to be not offensive and stuff.”

Berry laughs.

“Just ask. I might not have the answers because I’m still figuring it out. I probably don’t know what’s offensive anyway.”

“Okay. So, um, you hate having sex? Like with anyone?”

“I don’t _hate_ it. I’ve had sex and it wasn’t horrible. But I wasn’t into it? I only did it because she wanted to do it and it felt good but it was also kind of boring.”

“Are you sure you didn’t just have bad sex? Sorry, that’s definitely offensive.”

“Probably, but it’s okay,” Berry says. “I don’t know, I think it’s like how if you’re a straight guy and you don’t want to have sex with guys. I just feel like that about everyone.”

“But you still want to date Parker?”

“That’s harder to explain because I still don’t get it. But yeah. Like the internet says some asexual people have romantic relationships and they just aren’t having sex. So it’s like that.”

“Okay. It’s not my relationship. I don’t have to get it. But maybe if people don’t get it, just hang out with Parker around them. Because I saw it. You guys flirted the entire day. It was gross. So, if you say don’t want to have sex, and I believe you because you wouldn’t make that up, maybe that’s enough for me to get it. You don’t just like her as a friend. That’s obvious as fuck.”

Berry laughs. Maybe that’s a solid plan. He and Parker haven’t really been hanging out with anyone else when they aren’t training. Mills is probably going to figure it out and give him a really dumb shovel talk.

“I’ll try to figure out how to understand it better so that I can help explain it to the other guys if you want to tell them eventually. But either way, I don’t see how anyone can be mad about it,” Ozzy says.

“They’ll just think I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“Talk to Parse. He’ll help.”

“Maybe. I’m not sure it matters yet.”

***

 **Parker:** I just realized that you said I could tell a couple of my college friends but I didn’t ask if I could tell them that you’re ace.  
**Parker:** And one of them is Amber. Who is also an ice girl. Is that okay?  
**Parker:** It’s totally up to you. Though Amber will probably want a good reason why we’re not telling everyone yet.  
**Berry:** Assuming you don’t think your friends would talk to the media?  
**Parker:** They won’t. I promise. Also Amber would definitely get in serious trouble for doing that without permission.  
**Berry:** It’s okay then. Honestly, I’m mostly avoiding telling people about being ace because I don’t want to answer all the questions yet.  
**Parker:** And this way I have to answer the questions?  
**Berry:** Yeah. 🤷♂️

***

Berry doesn’t have a chance to talk to Zimms about Parker until after morning skate. Berry asks if they can have lunch away from the team.  
Zimms doesn’t ask why, even after they’re seated outside and they’ve both started eating. It gives Berry time to figure out what he wants to say.

“Apparently, I’m not aromantic, too,” Berry says.

Zimms nods.

“I talked to Parker last night and she likes me too. We’re going to see if we can figure it out with me being ace.”

“Did she tell you?” Zimms asks.

“Yeah. I know she’s trans. I don’t care. It doesn’t really matter. We’re not telling everyone right away, but that’s not why.”

Zimms nods again.

“We’re not going to keep it a secret forever if it works out. It’s just…” Berry hesitates, but Zimms doesn’t interrupt. “I’m afraid she thinks it’s okay, but that she’s going to change her mind. I don’t want to have to explain to everyone that we broke up because I wasn’t enough for her. And I’m leaving for a week, so it’s kind of on hold.”

“Bittle would say it’s not about you being enough,” Zimms says.

“I know. That’s what Parker said too,” Berry says. “But I can’t give her an answer about anything yet. I think we’re just going to have to try stuff and see what I’m okay with and what I actually want.”

“I think everyone has to do that and everyone makes some compromises,” Zimms says. “You’re different, but not completely different.”

“Yeah. It feels like a lot though.”

***

Berry doesn’t get to see Parker before they leave for Minnesota, but she does text him when he’s on the bus to the airport.

 **Parker:** Are you okay? I didn’t even realize anything happened until I checked twitter after the game. We have to clean the ice so fast that we don’t usually know why there’s a break in play.  
**Berry:** I’m fine. My nose stopped bleeding and I still have all my teeth.  
**Parker:** Haha. Good to know.  
**Parker:** Amber pointed out that I’m the first ice girl to date a player so yeah, maybe it’s good we’re waiting to say something.  
**Berry:** Is it an issue for you?  
**Parker:** I don’t think so. I don’t think they’ll want to make a big deal.  
**Parker:** They’ll probably just want to make sure I’m not going to say later that you were sexually harassing me or pressuring me. Which I understand could be an issue. But not with you even if you weren’t ace.  
**Berry:** I’ll talk to Parse before we actually tell more people.  
**Parker:** Yeah. I’ll do the same with our HR person.  
**Berry:** I’ll probably get some shit from the team for it, but it’ll be fine.  
**Berry:** For dating an ice crew girl. Not because you’re trans. If they think anything about that, well, they’ll have to deal with Parse, Mills, and Zimms. No one wants to do that.  
**Parker:** Mills is going to be so weird about it.  
**Berry:** He’s definitely going to give me a shovel talk.  
**Parker:** I’ll kill him.  
**Berry:** That won’t stop him.

“Who’re you texting?” Judy asks when they get to the airport.

“Why?”

“You have a face.” Judy waves at his face like that makes any sense. Ozzy laughs.

“You did have a face,” Mills says.

“Leave him alone,” Parse says putting his arm over Mills’ shoulders and pulling him away.

 **Zimms:** I didn’t tell Parse. I just gave him a look and he knows you hate when the guys bug you about dating someone.  
**Berry:** Thanks  
**Zimms:** You did have a face though…haha

Judy doesn’t say anything else until they’re in the air and when he does, he whispers so they don’t attract attention from Mills.

“Sorry. I wasn’t trying to pry.”

“I know. It’s okay.” Berry does feel bad about not telling him. Judy was a great roommate Berry’s rookie season even though Berry knew Judy would rather have had his own room to bring a hook up back to.

“It’s just complicated,” Berry says.

Judy nods and lets it go.

“You did have a face,” Ozzy says when they get to their room at the hotel.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s what Zimms said, too.”

“Are you really worried about the ace thing or do you just not want all the chirping you’re going to get for dating an ice girl?”

“The ace thing is the main thing. But there’s other stuff.”

“Seriously?” Ozzy asks. “How?”

“I should probably ask her before I tell you and it’s probably too late to text her right now when she has class tomorrow.”

“Didn’t you text her that we got here?” Ozzy asks.

“No? It’s late.” And also, he didn’t want Mills noticing.

“This is why it’s good you told me. You’re supposed to text your girlfriend that we got here and the plane didn’t crash.”

“That’s ridiculous. And I don’t know if we’re saying girlfriend yet.”

“Can either of you date other people right now?” Ozzy asks.

“No.”

“Then she’s your girlfriend.”

Berry rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t want to screw up this early.

 **Berry:** Hopefully this doesn’t wake up you up, but Ozzy says I should tell you that we got to Minn ok.  
**Parker:** Thanks. But I’m up. Probably crashing soon though.  
**Berry:** Can I tell him you’re trans? He asked how it could be more complicated and I didn’t want to tell him without asking.  
**Berry:** Not that it makes it more complicated for ME. Just when we tell people.  
**Parker:** I don’t care. You were the only person who officially didn’t know.  
**Berry:** He also said you’re my girlfriend if we’re not dating other people.  
**Parker:** Works for me. 👫  
**Berry:** Cool 😀  
**Parker:** You’re such a dork. I’m crashing now. Stupid morning classes.

“You have to control your face if you don’t want the guys asking you shit,” Ozzy says.

“Shut up.” Berry can’t help it and he’s definitely not as gross as Mills is with Cupid.

“I’m just trying to help.” Ozzy’s clearly laughing at him, so he gets no credit.

“Anyway. She said I can tell you that she’s trans. Most people already know anyway.”

“Whoa. Like, she used to be a guy or she wants to be a guy?”

“Like she was always a girl, but people didn’t always know it,” Berry says. They skipped asexuality in their diversity training, but they didn’t skip trans people. Harrison Browne came in and talked to them and everything.

“Right. Sorry. Sorry,” Ozzy says. “I swear I’m not a shitty person. It’s fine. If you don’t care, I don’t care.”

“I obviously don’t care.”

“You know Parse isn’t going to let anyone say anything.”

“He can’t control the world.” Berry wishes he could, but if he could, things with Zimms probably would’ve gone a lot different. Though Zimms did end up on the Aces, so maybe Parse kind of can.

“Maybe don’t tell him that,” Ozzy says.

***

 **Parker:** So do you want to totally wait until you’re back to talk about things?  
**Parker:** We can. But I was thinking it might be less scary for you if we’re texting.  
**Berry:** It is. But I think it might be a trial and error thing.  
**Berry:** Because I feel bad saying this, but I don’t think I felt the same way about Jessica that I feel about you. I think we were always just friends.  
**Berry:** Also, I just did stuff with her because I thought I was supposed to. And I didn’t really think about it then.  
**Parker:** Can I ask you some questions? And if you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to. I’m only asking to try to help you figure things out. Not because I need to know.  
**Berry:** Sure.  
**Parker:** So you’ve had sex and you didn’t hate it but you don’t want to do it now if you’re not into it. And that’s totally fine. I promise. So let’s just assume it’s off the table unless you change your mind and bring it up?  
**Berry:** Ok. Thanks.  
**Parker:** Things like cuddling? Your thoughts.  
**Berry:** Good, I think? I mean, I like the idea. And I don’t hate touching in general.  
**Parker:** That’s probably good. I can’t imagine how anyone would survive on a hockey team if they hate being touched. You guys are all over each other.  
**Berry:** lol. Fair. But I’m not bad as some of the guys. But with you, yeah, that sounds good.  
**Parker:** That’s good. Because that would probably be my deal breaker. Haha.  
**Parker:** Kisses on the cheek?  
**Berry:** Totally fine. Though Hammer has also done that to me.  
**Parker:** 🤣  
**Parker:** Eventually sharing a bed?  
**Berry:** I don’t know? I’ve never done that with someone I dated.  
**Parker:** You had sex with your ex and then left??  
**Berry:** Not right away! We had a hotel, but she had a curfew so we stayed in bed a while and then went home. And then she went to college and we ended up breaking up before it happened again.  
**Parker:** Ok, okay. That’s fair.  
**Berry:** I’ve shared beds with friends, so I’m not opposed to it. But I don’t know about cuddling while sleeping or anything.  
**Parker:** To be fair, I haven’t either. It just sounds nice?  
**Berry:** I’m not against trying.  
**Parker:** Ok. Maybe eventually. The kiss we had was nice?  
**Berry:** Yeah. It was.  
**Parker:** Ok. Do you want to try anything else? Kissing that’s more?  
**Berry:** I’m ok with trying but it might be disappointing to you that I don’t really get into it.  
**Parker:** So maybe we should just wait until we know each other better for anything else.  
**Berry:** Is that disappointing?  
**Parker:** No. I wanted to talk a bit before we see each other again, but I agree we’re going to have to actually see how we feel in person.  
**Berry:** Ok.  
**Parker:** Are you ok?  
**Berry:** I’m worried you’re going to be disappointed eventually.  
**Parker:** Don’t be. I like you, ok? When I told you I was trans, you said you didn’t want me to be someone other than myself just because it would be easier. I don’t want you to be someone else either. I like YOU.  
**Berry:** Thanks. 😊  
**Berry:** I like you a lot too. I’ve been told I have a face when I text you so I shouldn’t text you in front of the guys if I don’t want them to ask questions. By both Ozzy and Zimms.  
**Parker: 😂 😘**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: A character asks an question regarding Parker when he finds out she's trans. His wording is bad, but the question itself is not bad.
> 
> Other notes:  
> I'm updating the tags again right after I post this. :)
> 
> I've almost finished the first draft of the next Ao3 fic. I'm considering it a full fic, but it's fairly short. I'm going to work on some Gimme More posts after that because after that fic, I'm not sure what I'm writing or if there will even be another large Ao3 fic in this series. I do have lots of Gimme More posts that have been waiting for this fic to be finished. As always, if you want more fic right away there are 2 and a half full length fics on the other site.
> 
> That said, feel free to let me know topics you'd like me to write about for extras. This entire fic was actually born in the comments of Ao3. There is a possibility that I'll say a prompt doesn't happen if it's too specific. I may also say that I've written the prompt and it's either planned or it's on the other site. But this lets me know what people are wanting to see. :) If you are not sure if your prompt is appropriate, ask anyway. Worst case, I will just say no., but no harm in asking. :)
> 
> Good examples of prompts: Kent and Tater get kids or discuss why they have decided not to have kids.
> 
> Not so good examples:  
> *Zimms and Bitty adopt 4 kids after Lardo and Shitty die. (AKA: That does not happen! So I'll tell you I'm not writing it)  
> *Cupid and Mills get together and the beginning of their relationship or Cupid and Mills point of view for A Place to Go. (While I do plan to post a couple significant scenes for continuity or just because I think they're important, I've already explained that these are exclusive to the other site.)


	12. Chapter 12

Berry keeps texting Parker all week, but he tries to wait until he’s in his hotel room or the guys are asleep on the plane. By the time they’re on the plane back to Vegas, he’s bribed Ozzy to give him the window seat, and he pulls the hood of his sweatshirt to hide his face.

**Zimms:** Kenny says you’re fooling no one, but everyone knows to leave you alone unless you want to talk about it.  
 **Berry:** Great.  
 **Zimms:** haha

The chirping when he admits to dating Parker is going to be ridiculous, but it’s feeling like a when already and not an if. And he’s not going to hide her. She’ll think he’s ashamed of her and he’s not.

**Berry:** We have tomorrow off. Can we do something?  
 **Parker:** I have a private lesson with Mason in the afternoon and I’m free after that. I might have done my homework early.  
 **Berry:** When’s it over? Can I pick you up?  
 **Parker:** Mills will have field day if you pick me up.  
 **Berry:** I don’t think I care.  
 **Parker:** That’s adorable and romantic, but I want to shower after I skate for an hour.  
 **Berry:** Ok. When do you want me to pick you up?  
 **Parker:** Come over at 3. Can we just hang out at my dorm?  
 **Berry:** If that’s what you want?  
 **Parker:** It’s not bad.  
 **Berry:** Okay.

“Hey,” Parker says when she lets him in the door to her building.

“Hey.” Berry’s not sure if he should hug her or not.

Parker laughs and pulls him inside the building and into a hug. It’s nice. She smells nice. He might not want to take her clothes off, but he does like holding her. She pulls back, but she takes his hand and holds on the whole walk back to her dorm.

“Sorry that I didn’t want to go out. It’s not your fault. I just felt weird about it,” she says when they sit down on her couch.

“Because we haven’t told anyone?”

“No. I just…” Parker looks away from him and takes a deep breath. “I’ve just never been on a date with a cis guy. I tried dating a trans guy for a while, but neither of us were really into each other specifically. We just both felt safe about it. And it’s you, so it’s not that I don’t feel safe with you. But I just feel like everyone knows. Even though they don’t. I pass all the time, but I forget that I pass because that took a while. And I don’t want to be freaking out like that on our first date. So I was hoping it would be okay if we hang out here. Like a totally non-sexual Netflix and chill.”

“That’s fine. It’s totally fine. As long as you know that when you’re ready, I have no problem taking you out.”

“I think I got that when you wanted to pick me up at the rink.”

“Mills has probably figured it out anyway, but Parse banned everyone from bothering me about it because Zimms told him to.”

“Will that actually work?”

“For a little bit. It’s early in the season. If Mills starts fighting Parse now, the new guys might fight Parse on everything.”

“Your team hierarchy is weird.”

“We’re used to it.”

“That’s even more weird.”

Berry shrugs. Parker’s not the first person to call his hockey teams’ social practices weird.

“So, Netflix?” Berry asks.

“Yeah.”

“You can pick,” Berry says. “That’s just faster than trying to agree.”

“Well, I was going to watch Supergirl because I heard there’s a trans person now, but I feel like I should watch from the beginning.”

“Okay,”

“Seriously? How long does this phase where you agree to watch what I want last?”

“That depends on if the first episode is bad.”

“So, cuddling?” Parker asks.

“Yeah,” Berry knows he looks like a dork just opening his arms, but even though she laughs at him, she moves into his embrace after tapping her iPad to start the video.

“Is this weird?” Parker asks during a slow part of the episode.

“No, it’s nice,” Berry brushes her hair back and kisses her forehead. “I like being close to you. I just don’t want sex. Does that make any sense?”

“Yeah. I mean, no one wants sex all the time,” Parker says.

“Have you met Hammer?”

“Very briefly. With his girlfriend. She’s definitely got him doing some kinky stuff by the way.”

“I don’t want to know that,” Berry says. “But, okay, how do you know that?”

“She had a tone,” Parker says.

“Okay, I really don’t want to know,” Berry says.

Parker laughs and goes back to watching the screen.

“Should we actually talk about things?” Parker asks when the episode is over.

“I don’t know,” Berry says.

Parker sits up and moves away so she can see his face.

“It’s just weird,” Berry says. “Just because I haven’t dated a lot doesn’t mean that I don’t know what normal is. It’s kind of weird that we have to talk about everything instead of just going with what feels right. But I know we have to.”

“Dating’s always weird for me if that makes you feel better,” Parker says. “Guys ask me out and I have to figure out how to explain that I’m trans. Then we have to have a weird talk about what that means, and they always want to know what they’re going to end up seeing if we have sex. So it gets weird really fast and then they don’t make it past that because they’ve already made me feel weird.”

“I don’t need to know any of that unless you want to tell me.”

“Exactly. It’s weird, but it’s actually less weird for me than usual.” Parker threads their fingers together and squeezes his hand.

“We can just go along with what feels right if you want,” Parker says. “But I can tell you’re nervous and I thought maybe talking would help with that. I’m not really worried, and I don’t think I’m going to get frustrated or upset with you. Honestly, I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure too much would change, and I figured we were almost dating anyway even if you didn’t know about it. Which is kind of awful when I say it like that. And I was wrong anyway, because it’s not the same. It doesn’t feel the same to you, right?”

“No,” Berry says. For one thing, they weren’t cuddling or holding hands before. “I guess it’s like you said. No one wants sex all the time, so maybe some of this stuff is the same for me. It’s just the part where I won’t want to have sex later that’s different.”

“Yeah. Exactly. And okay, you might be an exception because we were friends first, but I doubt it. We wouldn’t be having sex this soon anyway. So not much would be different now.”

“We wouldn’t be making out either?” Berry asks.

“Okay. We probably would. But that’s not a big deal. And if you decide you want to try it, you can let me know. It can be like when we kissed. If you want to do it for some reason, you can tell me. But not tonight. I don’t think you could convince me you really wanted to.”

“Yeah, okay,” Berry says because she’s right. Making out right now would just stress him out.

They watch another episode of Supergirl, and he kisses her goodnight. When he gets home, Ozzy makes fun of how happy he is, so he’s not going to overthink a really good first date.

***

Practice the next day is weird. It’s not that he wants to get chirped for having a girlfriend. But it’s weird that the guys are obviously holding back. He wants to feel normal about it, and this is not normal.

“Okay. Crazy idea,” Ozzy says when Berry tells him how weird it felt. “But you don’t have to come out. It’s really not their business if you’re having sex or not. You have a girlfriend. You’re happy about it. She works for Xander Grimm, so no one’s going to say a bunch of gross things or he’ll get mad. They’ll chirp you about having a girlfriend and for being a huge dork about it, but you don’t have to tell them if you’re not having sex. They’ll assume you are at some point, but it only ever comes up if you have marks or really loud sex or something.”

“It seems dishonest,” Berry says.

“It’s no more dishonest than how we all know Parse and Tater do some kinky weird shit and we all pretend they don’t because we want to be able to hang out with them.”

“Being gay doesn’t mean weird shit by default.”

“Obviously. Zimms has never come in with a handprint on his ass.”

“What?”

“Okay, apparently you’re the only person who didn’t see that or talk about it. Which we didn’t, really. We were mostly talking about the look on Zimms’ face when he saw it. Anyway, that’s not the point. Parse says Reaper banned that kind of talk when he was on the team because he didn’t want anyone disrespecting his wife. So no one is going to say shit about it.”

“Okay, you’re right, but it’s more complicated than just my stuff. You know that.”

“No one’s going to say shit about her being trans. They know how much trouble they’ll get into. Or what? You’re worried they’ll think you’re having sex with a trans person when you’re not? Because that’s shitty.”

“No!” Berry says. The truth is that he almost wishes he wanted to have sex so he could prove it doesn’t matter. “It’s just that you know they’ll be talking about it.”

“Maybe, but they’ll keep it quiet. And it’s just because they’re curious and don’t know how to admit it. That’s why no one talks about Zimms or Mills or Cupid. Because we have no reason to think their sex lives are weird. And people talk less about Parse and Tater than they do about Hammer. Like, he’s got some crazy shit going on and he doesn’t talk about it.”

“It’s probably really boring. Everyone just thinks Lucy’s into weird stuff because of her job.”

“He didn’t make out with a guy at Parse’s house after you guys won the Cup?”

“He did, but he decided he wasn’t really into it and he’s sure he’s straight now,” Berry explains. There was a lot of alcohol. Mills likes to counter questions about being into guys by saying the opposite thing to straight people. Most people don’t hear, _how do you know you’re straight if you haven’t kissed a guy?_ and decide that’s a valid experiment that should take place. It hadn’t even been Hammer who Mills posed the question to.

“Okay, but my point is that when you don’t show up with weird bruises or have really loud sex where someone can hear you, no one is going to be interested in your sex life or lack of one.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

***

**Berry:** So I was kind of thinking about maybe just telling the guys about us. They know I’m seeing someone anyway.  
 **Berry:** It’s weird because they’re just ignoring it because Parse told them they can’t bother me about it until I say something. So they probably all think I’m gay. Which isn’t even interesting on this team anyway.  
 **Parker:** You realize if you tell them you’re with me, some of them will still think you’re gay.  
 **Berry:** That’s stupid, but also it doesn’t matter. Ozzy says the new guys will be jealous that it might give me an in with the captains.  
 **Parker:** haha. Well, it’s up to you. I just need to tell our HR person. And you might need to do that first too.  
 **Berry:** I’ll ask Parse. He’s married to another player. He probably knows.

***

**Berry:** So if I’m dating someone on the ice crew, is there some HR person I have to tell about it?  
 **Parse:** Yeah, send an email and ask for a meeting. You basically just have to tell them.  
 **Parse:** So that’s the big secret significant other you’ve been hiding. Does that mean you’re not going to be hiding them?  
 **Berry:** Yeah.  
 **Parse:** Is it just that it’s an ice crew person or something more?  
 **Berry:** It’s Parker.  
 **Parse:** Ok. Tell me if anyone says anything shitty.

***

The HR stuff is about what Berry expected. Parker says it’s a little more complicated on her end, but in the end, they don’t want to cause trouble for her. Then the only issue is that Berry’s not going to just announce that he has a girlfriend in the locker room. Zimms suggests that he tells the group chat. It’s not like they don’t find out about each other’s relationships that way anyway. The only difference with Berry is that he’s made it weird by not letting them talk about it for a few days.

**Berry:** So. I have a girlfriend. We were keeping it quiet until we talked to HR because she’s on the ice crew.  
 **Mills:** I called this so long ago. When did you actually start dating?  
 **Berry:** Only a couple weeks ago. You weren’t even right when you started bugging me about it.  
 **Mills:** Clearly I was.  
 **Hammer:** Of everyone on the team *Berry* landed an ice girl??  
 **Ozzy:** Rude. Of course he did.  
 **Hammer:** I didn’t mean it like that. He just doesn’t even talk to girls when we go out!  
 **Judy:** Why does Mills know which ice girl and I don’t?  
 **Mills:** Because I sort of introduced them.  
 **Berry:** Mason gets more credit than you.  
 **Cupid:** That’s…actually fair. Except it was more that she got pissed off at him and yelled at him. He made a great first impression.  
 **Parse:** Clearly it worked out for him. So I say that’s a win.  
 **Zimms:** You would.  
 **Matty:** So which one is it?  
 **Cenzer:** Like any of us know them by name.  
 **Matty:** Wait. Mason’s figuring skating coach is also on the ice crew. So her, right?  
 **Hammer:** DUDE. She’s smoking.  
 **Berry:** Yes, I’m aware.  
 **Zimms:** Bits says bring her to dinner. I told him to let you have some time.  
 **Parse:** Aww. Taking her to meet the parents. 😹😹

No one mentions Parker being trans. Berry would like to think it’s because they don’t care, but it’s more likely that they’re talking about it behind his back. When Mills invites himself over, Berry’s expecting a long shovel talk, but Mills just tells him not to be a dumbass and then settles in to play chel.

“No one’s said anything awful that I know about,” Mills says when Berry asks him. “Or that Cupid’s heard about. But yeah, they know. A couple of the guys asked Hammer about not saying the wrong thing because they knew he’d probably know, and they’re scared to ask Parse or me. And I’m sure they’re probably talking about shit they shouldn’t be, but most of them are probably fine with it in general. They figure it’s your business. They’re curious, but they’re not sleeping with her, so they don’t care that much.”

“I’m not either,” Berry can’t help saying.

Mills shrugs.

“I wasn’t assuming. You just started dating.”

Berry wasn’t planning to come out to Mills while sitting on the couch playing video games, but suddenly he wants to. Mills hasn’t threatened him or assumed that he denied sleeping with her because she’s trans. It’s possible that Parker was right about him not giving Mills enough credit. Apparently, the way to get Mills to stop prying is to just tell him what’s going on.

“We’re probably not going to. I’m ace…asexual.”

Mills pauses the game.

“I don’t actually know what that means, but this is a coming out thing, right?” Mills says.

“Yeah. It means that I’m not really into sex.”

“Like, in general? With anyone?”

“Yeah.”

“But you still want to date Parker?”

“Yeah. It’s like, everything else is normal. I still really like her. And we cuddle and stuff and that’s nice. But I don’t really care for it to lead to sex.”

“And she’s okay with this?” Mills asks.

“Yeah. Well, we think so. She says that no one wants to have sex all the time and that not all the things couples do are about sex. With me it’s just that those non-sexual times are all the time.”

Mills still looks confused, but he nods anyway.

“I’ll google it,” he says. “Are you not telling people for now?”

“Not everyone. I don’t know. It’s a weird thing to explain. And then you know some of the guys will say it’s why I don’t care that she’s trans.”

“Yeah,” Mills agrees.

“But I don’t care if you tell Cupid and Parse. And Zimms already knows,” Berry adds because he knows Mills might want to and he doesn’t have a particular reason that he doesn’t want them to know. Besides, if Mills tells them, Berry doesn’t have to.

“Cool,” Mills says. He unpauses the game and even waits until he’s sure Berry’s paying attention again before he scores a goal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only one more chapter of this fic! I hope to get it up next week and then we are going to have Gimme More posts for a bit to fill in some timeline gaps before the next one.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are extra warnings for this chapter. I tried to not make them too bad while still being realistic. Scroll to the bottom notes if you want to check them before reading.

Berry doesn’t spend a lot of time on social media. He has the accounts that he’s supposed to have, he posts on the important days, and he chirps his teammates on their posts. But he hasn’t posted on any account since he congratulated the Aces’ draft picks. He ends up on other accounts all the time because Hammer and Mills post more often. Zimms posts a decent amount too, but his Instagram has actual quality pictures and most of the time when Berry sees him, they’re playing hockey instead of taking pictures. Either way, Berry doesn’t purposely hide Parker from the public, but no one finds out right away. They have a big Halloween party at Parse’s house every year and everyone brings their significant others. Berry’s expected to bring Parker and unless they specifically ask to be left out of pictures, someone is bound to get one.

And as much as Berry isn’t looking forward to the texts his family is going to send when they notice he brought a date, he knows it’s important to Parker that he doesn’t hide her. He puts her in charge of costumes because he knows that he’s not good at costumes. Given the choice, Berry would just go to the costume store like he did last year and pick the first non-offensive thing he saw.

 **Parse:** If you come dressed as a hockey player, we have a box of spare costumes and Hammer gets to pick your new costume.  
**Hammer:** Please come dressed as a hockey player.

Parker suggests they go as Dreamer and Brainiac since they have managed to catch up on the current season of Supergirl. Ozzy decides to go as Superman because he doesn’t have a date. The party is as ridiculously overblown as all of Parse’s parties, but it’s the only one all year where the players with kids leave them at home, so there’s more drinking and no hired staff. Berry sticks with Parker all night because he can tell that she’s nervous, but nothing bad happens. Bitty introduces her to the other wives and girlfriends and by the end of the night, they’ve both stopped worrying about it.

It’s not until the morning when he has six texts from Angel that he worries about any of the pictures that people took. Three of the messages are screenshots of different Instagram posts. Not a single one is really a picture of just Parker and him. They’re just in a group picture of everyone and in the background of two other pictures.

 **Angel:** Who is the girl???  
**Angel:** Why did none of your friends tag her?  
**Angel:** Why haven’t you told me about her?? You should tell me before mom finds these.  
**Jaime:** We just started dating a few weeks ago.  
**Angel:** A few weeks is a while!  
**Jaime:** Not when I’ve had two road trips.  
**Angel:** Okay. That’s fair. How did you meet her?  
**Jaime:** She’s one of my teammate’s little brother’s skating coaches. And she was my skating coach this summer. With Zimms and Tater.  
**Angel:** She looks too young to be a coach.  
**Jaime:** She’s a figure skater. They retire even younger than we do.  
**Angel:** Oh. Okay. So she was good. Can I google her?  
**Jaime:** No because that’s creepy.

“I promise I’m not avoiding my family because of you,” Berry says. “I would literally hide anyone I dated from them. They’ll ask when we’re getting married and having three kids right after meeting you.”

“Seriously?” Parker asks.

“I don’t know. I guess they’ve noticed I don’t date. They’ve half decided I’m gay. They’re going to be weird.”

“Do you think they’ll care that I’m trans?” Parker asks.

Berry wants to say no, but he knows it’s not true.

“I don’t know. Maybe,” Berry says. “But they might also care that you’re white. They might care about a lot of things. They didn’t like that that Jessica didn’t know what she wanted to major in before she went to college. My mom kind of picks at everything. She hasn’t liked anyone my brother has dated either.”

“So she probably won’t like me either way. That’s comforting.”

“She’ll get over it. And my brother will probably like you. I think he wants to at least.”

“Even if I’m trans?”

Berry tightens the arm he has around her.

“He might not be great about it. He’ll probably say some stupid things,” Berry admits. “But he did say that it would be okay if I was gay, so even if he starts there, I think he’ll listen.”

“Okay. I’m used that that.”

“It really sucks that you’re used to that,” Berry says.

Parker shrugs.

“Do you maybe want to stay tonight?” Berry asks. “Try that whole sleeping in the same bed thing?”

***

The thing about the pictures from Halloween is that since no one tagged her and she’s literally wearing a wig and a mask, no one identifies Parker online. It also helps that Berry isn’t the most famous of the Aces. The fans like him, but they don’t really obsess over him the way they do with Mills or Parse. According to his cousin, Berry still doesn’t have a tag on the main fanfiction website, whatever that means.

Then someone gets a picture of them when they’re out to dinner with Zimms and Bitty. It’s not even someone who cares about hockey. It’s Eric Bittle with his fiancé Jack Zimmermann and friends. They don’t even mention that Berry’s a hockey player. But several of his cousins watch Bitty’s show so they all send the picture around.

Berry’s mom calls while he’s in North Carolina. That’s about the amount of distance that he wants for the conversation. They get through her name and how they met. He explains that he’s been traveling a lot so it really isn’t as long of a relationship as it seems. His mom is skeptical of her intentions and Berry has to explain that the ice crew doesn’t travel with them, so she can’t meet Parker when they go to San Jose, but it’s not the worst it could be. Parker’s in college. She has more than one part-time job and she’s technically working in her field before she’s even graduated. Berry doesn’t mention she’s trans because it shouldn’t matter. Of course, he also knows he doesn’t want to deal with his mom’s reaction.

 **Angel:** Can we meet up when you’re in DC?  
**Berry:** I should have some time. We’re there a day early.

Berry goes to Angel’s dorm room because he’d rather not get bombarded with questions in public.

“So Mom hasn’t googled Parker yet because she doesn’t know how,” Angel says as soon as they’re in his room.

“Does that mean you did?” Berry asks.

“I didn’t think I’d find anything interesting,” Angel says.

“And?” It’s petty. Berry knows exactly what Angel’s talking about. But he’s watched Parse give plenty of interviews where he just acts confused and makes the interviewer look like an asshole.

“I guess it’s fine with me. I don’t know. She’s totally a girl now, right? Like she’s had everything fixed?”

“That is none of your business. I’ve literally never asked what any of your girlfriends look like naked,” Berry says.

“You knew they were girls though.”

“Parker is a girl,” Berry says. “She says she’s a girl so she’s a girl. Or a woman. She’s an adult so she’s a woman.”

“You’re being difficult on purpose,” Angel says.

“You’re being offensive on purpose. That’s definitely worse,” Berry says.

“I just want to know what to tell Mom,” Angel says. “She’s going to ask if I talked to you when she finds out. Someone is going to tell her eventually.”

“Tell her that you asked, and I said it’s none of your business. It’s not her business either.”

“I’m trying to figure out how to help you. I told you I’ll support you if you’re gay,” Angel says. He’s so earnest about it that Berry almost feels bad. If they were talking about him, he’d feel bad. But they’re talking about Parker and if he doesn’t defend her, he’s a shitty boyfriend.

“Then support me the way I’m asking you to. It doesn’t matter what her body looks like. She’s a woman. I like her. She makes me happy.”

“I’m trying,” Angel says. “I’m trying to understand.”

“In this case, I need you to try a little harder.” Berry gets up and leaves. When he gets back, Ozzy’s back in their room.

“So my brother googled Parker,” Berry says.

“Was he an asshole?” Ozzy asks.

“Mostly. Like 70% asshole,” Berry says. “But now I have to call Parker and tell her that he was an ass without making her feel bad about it.”

“That sucks. You want the room for a bit?”

Berry nods. Ozzy is the best roommate, even if he makes Berry go to weird coffee shops that put weird shit in the coffee.

Berry asks Parker to Facetime because he wants to be able to tell how she’s feeling for this conversation. And he wants her to see that he’s not lying when he says it’s not her fault if his family is difficult.

“Let me guess. Seeing your brother didn’t go well?” Parker asks.

“He googled you,” Berry says.

“And he freaked out.”

“No. He had questions. Then he didn’t like that I wouldn’t answer his questions because they were stupid. But he didn’t tell me to break up with you. He didn’t even say that I should break up with you. He’s trying to not be an asshole. He’s just failing.”

“He wants to know if I’m fully a girl.”

“I said if you say you are, then you are,” Berry says. “I honestly don’t care if that’s not enough for him. He can get over it. I wanted to tell you because I don’t want to lie you—not because I think you should answer any of his questions.”

Parker smiles for the first time since the call connected.

***

Berry knows he should figure out how he’s going to deal with his family. He should at the very least figure out how to talk to Angel about things. Berry’s not trans. He can handle doing some education. But after DC, they have to travel up the east coast to play Providence and Boston. Even if it wasn’t as bad as the previous year, it still sucks to play in Providence. Zimms still stresses out and worries everyone who cares about him. After they win, they’re all too tired to celebrate. They all just want to get the hell out of Rhode Island.

 **Berry:** I’m going to be completely dead when I get home, but do you want to come over anyway?  
**Parker:** I can if you want me to. I just have Mason tomorrow and he’s not until noon.  
**Berry:** I’ll text you from the airport when we get in, if you want to meet me at the apartment. I’ll send a car.  
**Parker:** Ok. I’ll let you do that since I’m coming over late.  
**Berry:** I could come to you but you have a tiny bed.  
**Parker:** I know. Fair. And you’re closer to Mason’s rink anyway.

Parker gets to the apartment only a few minutes after them, but Ozzy’s already stumbled into his room to pass out. Berry basically collapses in Parker’s arms after she comes in the door.

“You are lucky I work out so much, but you’re still not light,” Parker says as she half-drags him to bed.

“This road trip was the worst,” Berry says after they’re curled in bed. Parker curls up behind him and holds him. Being the little spoon is really underrated. Having a girlfriend who is 5’10” and can cuddle him effectively when he feels shitty is awesome.

“I know. But Jack is okay and I’ll deal with your family however you want,” Parker says.

“ _I’ll_ deal with my family however _you_ want,” Berry says.

Parker laughs and kisses the back of his neck.

“We’ll figure it out together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra warnings:  
> A character says insensitive stuff about Parker. There are no slurs and it's more ignorant than purposefully hateful, but I know it could still be bothersome.
> 
> Back to the rest of the notes. Thanks to everyone who has commented on this fic. And to everyone who has stuck through this series. I'm debating what to do after the next fic because it feels like the end of this verse. (Though I can write extras forever probably.) If you haven't hopped over the the other site, the link the website link on Reaper's twitter. (Which clearly I've given up on updating.):  
> https://twitter.com/XGrimmReaper33
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @lostinanimage
> 
> Anyway, I'm sending the next chapters of the next fic to my betas after I post this. Also I have some extras. I just now remembered there is already a Gimme More chapter for this fic. Oops. I will post that next week. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters should update weekly or bi-weekly depending on my life. This is the first story I've posted on Ao3 since Ao3 added emojis. Parse is very happy about this and says I have to use them.


End file.
